Subject: 1993 Moriarty Quote List  [Corrected 1992 List, Part 10 of 11]
Message-ID: <1993May10.035715.22200@tc.fluke.COM>
Keywords: Acres O' Quotes
Organization: The Institute for Criminal Science, Gizmonics Control
References: <1993May10.032105.21262@tc.fluke.COM> <1993May10.035627.22140@tc.fluke.COM>
Date: Mon, 10 May 1993 03:57:15 GMT
Lines: 1850
 
			   "I'd like to ask Gary [Groth] to say something
			    nasty about this."
					   -- Will Eisner
----
			   "Expanding a comic line just to gain market share
			    is like...	Marvel."
					   -- Harlan Ellison
----
			   "No, no, no, NO!  Perverts are hired by MARVEL!"
					   -- Harlan Ellison
----
			   "I am absolutely without flaw, and don't you
			    f***ing forget it!"
					   -- Harlan Ellison
----
			   "We'll learn about Euro-Communism -- That's
			    communists who drive Porches."
					   -- Howard Chaykin
----
			   "It's the best thing since professional golfers on
			    'ludes."
					   -- Rick Obidiah
----
			   "We've repackaged Flagg.  Basically, it's gonna
			    look like a box of Tide."
					   -- Howard Chaykin
----
			   "Almost all Eskimo jokes have the same punch line
			    -- You know, he fell through the ice and died."
					   -- Larry Marder
----
			   "College... what a *disgusting* place."
[An observant quote from BEANS BAXTER]
----
			   "Captain America."
						     "Revamp him?  Make him a
						      Commie or something?"
 
					   -- Mike Grell and Mark Gruenwald
----
			   "OK, but be careful.	 In my experience, Republican
			    women are harder to open than a liquor store in
			    Nebraska."
[Teddy's, err, Charlie's Angels spoof on SNL]
----
			   "To your left is the marina where several senior
			    cabinet officials keep luxury yachts for weekend
			    cruises on the Potomac.  Some of these ships are
			    up to 100 feet in length; the Presidential yacht
			    is over 200 feet in length, and can remain
			    submerged for up to 3 weeks."
					   -- Garrison Keillor
----
			"...in MAUS it
			 wouldn't have been
			 valid to have the
			 Nazis land in a
			 flying saucer."
					"I was thinking
					 of that."
						       "But it had been done
							before, right, Art?"
 
				-- Elliot S! Maggin, Art Spiegelman, and
				   Lee Mars, respectively
----
			   "Well, social relevance is a schtick, like
			    mysteries, social relevance, science fiction..."
					   -- Art Spiegelman
----
			   "One of the problems I've always had with
			    propaganda pamphlets is that they're real boring
			    to look at. They're just badly designed.  People
			    from the left often are very well-intended, but
			    they never had time to take basic design classes,
			    you know?"
					   -- Art Spiegelman
----
			   "...it's just what usually happens is propaganda
			    from the right is perceived as actuality, and
			    propaganda from the left is perceived as
			    propaganda..."
					   -- Art Spiegelman
----
			   "Pesky foreign espionage agents!  Why don't they
			    let me be?"
[Lester Girls, lamenting on the lot of the Secret Agent]
----
			   "Listen, how about if you hit me instead, and then
			    my niece can finally see how two grown men can fit
			    into an aspirin bottle."
[Maggie's Aunt (the wrestler) with some advice for the youth of America]
----
			"Dick... YOU'RE FIRED!"
				*POW* *POW* *POW*
[The kind of executive order that REALLY results in termination.  From ROBOCOP]
----
			   "Nice shooting, son.
			    What's your name?"
						     "MURPHY."
[From ROBOCOP]
----
			   "Welcome to Chicago.	 This town stinks like a
			    whorehouse at low tide."
[Sean Connery comments on The Windy City in THE UNTOUCHABLES]
----
			   "Mr. Ness!  I do not
			    approve of your methods."
						     "Yeah?  Well, you're not
						      from Chicago."
[THE UNTOUCHABLES]
----
			   "Before I begin, I'd like to recite the Lawyer's
			    Prayer:
				Lord, please let there be strife and misery
				 among your people,
				Lest your servant starve..."
[Clonezone takes on lawyers, from BADGER]
----
			   "Sir, if you'd pay ATTENTION instead of writing
			    your signature in drool on the table, you'd know."
[Clonezone takes on lawyers, from BADGER]
----
			   "You might have hidden
			    diplomatic talents."
						     "God, I hope not."
[Sundra and Horatio, from NEXUS]
----
			   "I'm on a mission from Grodd."
[An MTV gorilla, from SWAMP THING]
----
			   "Awh!  Mothra!"
[SWAMP THING]
----
			   "THE VEIDT METHOD:
				I will give you bodies
				beyond your wildest imaginings."
[Another piece of Moore irony in WATCHMEN]
----
			   "...and the world's smartest man means no more to
			    me than its smartest termite."
[Dr. Manhattan against Adrian Veidt, in WATCHMEN]
----
			   "No.	 Not even in the face of Armageddon.  Never
			    compromise."
[Rorschach's only, fatal principle, from WATCHMEN]
----
			   "American comic books are militaristic propaganda!
			    And much too expensive!"
[Well, they are!  From THE AMERICAN]
----
			   "Yeah... *cough*... that's right... rub it in...
			    *cough*... offed by a non-stick coating..."
[From THE AMERICAN]
----
			   "Hey, gimme five dollars!"
						     "Kid, does the name
						      Bernhard Goetz mean
						      anything to you?"
[From THE AMERICAN]
----
			   "If you took everyone who's ever been to a Dead
			    show, and lined them up, they'd stretch halfway to
			    the moon and back... and none of them would be
			    complaining."
[Local Deadhead from THE SEATTLE TIMES]
----
			   "You know, there are times when it's a source of
			    personal pride to not be human."
					   -- Hobbes
----
			   "You READ this article,
			    Mom?"
						     "Damn it!	Get your
						      gunboats off my kitchen
						      table!"
[Those crazy aviators from VALKYRIE!]
----
			   "And remember: Evil will always prevail, because
			    Good is dumb."
[One of the two funny jokes in SPACEBALLS]
----
			   "Jack Putter... TO THE RESCUE!"
[Martin Short, adventurer, from the conclusion of INNER SPACE]
----
			   "Oh, relax -- enjoy it!  When do you ever use
			    opposable thumbs, anyway?"
[Max looks at the silver lining, in ZOT!]
----
			   "Max, did you order a
			    talking monkey for this
			    set?"
						     "No, that's just a friend
						      of the family."
[Alternate Earth videos, from ZOT!]
----
			   "MR. DeGUZMAN, YOUR DAYS
			    ARE NUMBERED!"
						     "That's Harris.  DeGuzman
						      is math."
			   "BAH!  They're ALL
			    scoundrels..."
[Zack, looking desperately for evil, from ZOT!]
----
			    Why are many scientists using lawyers for medical
			    experiments instead of rats?
 
				a)  There are more lawyers than rats.
				b)  The scientist's don't become as
				    emotionally attached to them.
				c)  There are some things that even rats 
				    won't do for money.
[Anonymous]
----
			   "Enough of this running shit."
[Sean Connery on chase scenes, from THE UNTOUCHABLES]
----
			   "They only have two rules in the whole school: One,
			    you're not allowed to carry a gun, and two, you're
			    not allowed to walk on the roof."
					   -- Reed College rugby coach Peter
					      Carmine
----
					"During the race
					 We may eat your dust,
					 But when you graduate,
					 You'll work for us."
						-- Reed College cheer
----
			   "What, in my life, does not deserve celebrating?"
[Adrian Veidt's soliloquy to his late retinue, from WATCHMEN]
----
			   "No, no, I don't mind being called the smartest man
			    in the world.  I just wish it wasn't this one."
[Veidt's key phrase, from WATCHMEN]
----
			   "Riley, can you operate a
			    road grader?"
						     "Of COURSE!  What kind of
						      a question is that?"
[What kind of a question IS that?  A normal BADGER question, of course...]
----
			   "Oh... what's the easiest
			    way to explain a
			    coven..."
						     "A secret meeting place
						      for vampires."
			   "Why, yes.  That's it.
			    Thank you."
[Terminology and the vampire, from HERO SANDWICH]
----
			   "Hello, Laughing Academy?
			    Please to send zee Viggy
			    Vagon to..."
						     "Richard, please..."
[The elastic joker from HERO SANDWICH]
----
			   "No time to fill our
			    pockets, Hempy!  Looks
			    like Harrod's and drug
			    addictions for us after
			    all."
						     "Blast!  I was hoping to
						      avoid that."
[Hempy's fate looks grim in DINOSAUR REX]
----
			   "...so, like everybody was rooted to the spot.  He
			    picked up a little girl, and like, we'd all seen
			    FRANKENSTEIN, right?  It was scary.	 Then he sits
			    her on his shoulder, an' everybody laughs and
			    claps. Man...
 
			   "Man, that was the *best*.  Best moment of my
			    life."
[Chester, a social and cultural rarity: a good man.  From SWAMP THING]
----
			   "This guy, North... does he ever get out of his
			    car?"
[Local Seattle Comic]
----
			   "In a blatant effort to curry favor with a French
			    judge and jury, accused Nazi war criminal Klaus
			    Barbie told a stunned courtroom in Lyon this week
			    that his favorite movie has always been `The Nutty
			    Professor'."
					   -- Dennis Miller, SNL News
----
			   "Amid all the noise about the Joan Rivers
			    cancellation, ABC has canceled `Our World', which
			    featured Linda Ellerbee.  The two unemployed women
			    plan to get together and open up a chain of charm
			    schools in Libya."
					   -- Dennis Miller, SNL News
----
			TO THE CLASS OF 1987:
			   "Unfortunately, a full 16% of you will be
			    functionally illiterate.  I'm afraid you'll have a
			    hard row to hoe in the job market; after all,
			    there are only so many staff positions at USA
			    Today."
					   -- A. Whitney Brown
----
			   "Since he's been in the White House, President
			    Reagan has gotten two hearing aids, a colon
			    operation, skin cancer, prostate surgery, and he's
			    been shot.
 
			   "And we, the American People, should always
			    remember these things... because he won't."
					   -- Dennis Miller, SNL News
----
			   "The Washington Post reported yesterday that Jim
			    Bakker had been seen in the PTL steam room
			    frolicking nude with three other naked men; and
			    that a neglected Tammy Fay had had her breasts
			    enlarged, hoping for a Marilyn Monroe image.
			 
			   "The collected Bakker history should inspire us all
			    to become true believers in a supreme higher power
			    that made sure, out of the five billion people in
			    this world, that these two creeps found each
			    other."
					   -- Dennis Miller, SNL News
----
			   "I... AM NOT... A PACIFIST!"
[An angry defensive back explains to rednecks, in AMAZING GRACE AND CHUCK]
----
			   "Justice, like lightning, should ever appear
			    To some people, hope, and to other ones, fear."
[A slightly changed version of Tony Isabella's opening lines to BLACK
 LIGHTNING]
----
			DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Nov. 19th:
 
			    White House spokesman Larry Speakes tries to
			    clarify the Iran Arms deal further but no 
			    reporters show up because they're afraid they'll 
			    wet their pants laughing.
----
			DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- August 3rd:
 
			    Working in dark, cold and treacherous currents
			    far beneath the surface of North Atlantic water
			    lashed by Tropical Storm Dwayne R. LePoon Jr.,
			    divers for the first time are able to get an
			    "underwater eye" camera inside the wreck of the
			    Titanic and discover that the ill-fated luxury
			    liner had been operated by financially troubled
			    Eastern Air Lines.
----
			DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- June 29th:
 
			    President Reagan announces that the SALT II
			    treaty is "dead" and that he will continue to
			    abide by it. White House press spokesman Larry
			    Speakes clarifies this by explaining that the
			    president "has no idea what he is saying."
----
			DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- June 14th:
 
			    Eight concerned parents in rural Georgia sue the
			    local school district for teaching their
			    children the alphabet, which can be used to form
			    dirty words.
----
			DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- June 2nd:
 
			    Canada demands that Libya send it some diplomats
			    so it can expel them.
----
			DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- May 10th:
 
			    The official Soviet news agency Tass releases a
			    photograph of a city street scene, with the
			    caption: "All is well as citizens of Chernobyl
			    are resuming normal activities." Clearly visible
			    in the background is the Vatican.
----
			DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Apr. 25th:
 
			    True Fact: The U.S. Government arrest 17 people
			    for allegedly attempting to sell arms to Iran.
			    This item will seem much funnier later on.
----
			DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Apr. 11th:
 
			    After aerial reconnaissance photographs reveal
			    that Moammar el-Gadhafi is building a
			    375-foot-high middle finger near the highly
			    strategic Gulf of Sidra, an angry President
			    Reagan directs massive bombing raids against
			    various site in Liberia.  Worldwide reaction to
			    the U.S. raids is mixed, the major criticism
			    being that the president probably meant to
			    attack Libya, which SOUNDS like "Liberia," but
			    is actually a different country.  U.S. polls
			    show that 87% of Americans support the president
			    and think they "probably would have made the
			    same mistake."
----
			DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Mar. 20th:
 
			    Kurt Waldheim issues a statement claiming that
			    he missed World War II because of "car trouble."
----
			DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Mar. 6th:
 
			    In the Middle East, Iraq uses up all its young
			    men and has to borrow some from Iran so they can
			    keep having a war.
----
			DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Feb. 20th:
 
			    President Reagan visits the island of Grenada to
			    commemorate the U.S. victory over communist
			    Cuban troops armed with sophisticated
			    construction equipment. Thousands of cheering
			    Grenadans turn out to watch Air Force One
			    gracefully touch down, then swoop back up into
			    the sky because Grenada is too short for an
			    actual landing.
----
			DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Feb. 17th:
 
			    Under the careful scrutiny of crack State
			    Department observers, Filipino voters re-elect
			    President Ferdinand Marcos by more than 600
			    billion votes. Marcos, in a conciliatory mood,
			    calls for "a time of healing" followed by "a
			    time of giving people powerful electrical shocks
			    in their private parts."
----
			    Favorite Tabloid Headlines:
 
				* Baby born with winning lotto ticket
				* Princess Di to become an American
				* Elvis' face appears in Maytag window during 
				  rinse cycle
				* Bigfoot ate my twins
				* Jane Wyman: "Life with Ron prepared me for 
				  'Falcon Crest' role"
				* Why Mr. T. sleeps with a night-light
				* Exclusive: Why Pulitzer panel shuns tabloids
[Extracted from a rec.humor article]
----
			   "What *are* you doing up
			    there, Reg?"
						     "Being heroic, Dom.  It
						      was my turn."
[Blank Reg, being just that.  From MAX HEADROOM]
----
			   "Drawing on my fine command of language, I said
			    nothing."
[Mark Twain]
----
			    Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law 
			    of The Average American:
				 The quality of a champagne is judged by the
				 amount of noise the cork makes when it is
				 popped.
----
			   "Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse."
					   -- William Gilbert
----
			    Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
				 Don't worry if it doesn't work right.	If
				 everything did, you'd be out of a job.
----
			    Putt's Law:
			      Technology is dominated by two types of people:
				Those who understand what they do not manage.
				Those who manage what they do not understand.
----
			    Pohl's law: 
				 Nothing is so good that somebody,
				 somewhere, will not hate it.
----
				Oh, when I was in love with you,
				    Then I was clean and brave,
				And miles around the wonder grew
				    How well did I behave.
				
				And now the fancy passes by,
				    And nothing will remain,
				And miles around they'll say that I
				    Am quite myself again.
				
						-- A. E. Housman
----
			    Pig: An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied
			    to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of
			    its appetite, which, however, is inferior in
			    scope, for it [balks] at pig.
[Ambrose Bierce, THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY]
----
			   "We don't have to protect the environment -- the
			    Second Coming is at hand."
					   -- James Watt
----
			    If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a
			    sacrament.
[Gloria Steinhem]
----
			   "I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are
			    powerless to act in cases of oral-genital
			    intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed
			    interstate commerce."
					   -- J. Edgar Hoover
----
			   "I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make
			    this country what it once was... an arctic
			    wilderness."
					   -- Steve Martin
----
			   "When I grow up, I want to be an honest lawyer so
			    things like that can't happen."
					   -- Young Richard Nixon on Teapot
					      Dome scandal
----
			   "I've had one child.	 My husband wants to have
			    another.  I'd like to watch him have another."
[Anon. fortune]
----
			    [Fundamentalist] Christian:
				One who believes that the New Testament is a
				divinely inspired book admirably suited to
				the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
[Ambrose Bierce, THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY]
----
			   "To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal
			    Opposition."
					   -- Woody Allen
----
			    Noncombatant: 
				    A dead Quaker.
						-- Ambrose Bierce
----
			   "There's only one way to have a happy marriage and
			    as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married
			    again."
					   -- Clint Eastwood
----
			    Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi):
				"Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of
				 Western Civilization?"
			    Gandhi:
				"I think it would be a good idea."
----
			Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
			A medley of extemporanea;
			And love is thing that can never go wrong;
			And I am Marie of Roumania.
				-- Dorothy Parker
----
			   "A lot of people I know believe in positive
			    thinking, and so do I.  I believe everything
			    positively stinks."
					   -- Lew Col
----
			    Teach children to be polite and courteous in the
			    home, and, when they grow up, they will never be
			    able to edge their car onto a freeway.
[Anon. fortune]
----
			    Q:	 How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a
				 job?
			    A:	 Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip
				 its head off.
[Anon. fortune]
----
			    Everything is controlled by a small evil group to
			    which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
[Anon. fortune]
----
			    Naeser's Law:
				You can make it foolproof, but you can't
				make it damnfoolproof.
----
			    Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until
			    you can find a rock.
[Anon. fortune]
----
			    If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous
			    functions?
[Anon. fortune]
----
			    Honorable:	    
				Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.
				In legislative bodies, it is customary to
				mention all members as honorable; as, "the
				honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."
[Ambrose Bierce, THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY]
----
			    Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
				Experience is directly proportional to the
				amount of equipment ruined.
----
			    Captain Penny's Law:
				You can fool all of the people some of the
				time, and some of the people all of the
				time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
----
			    Harvard Law:
				Under the most rigorously controlled
				conditions of pressure, temperature, volume,
				humidity, and other variables, the organism
				will do as it damn well pleases.
----
			    Mad: 
				Affected with a high degree of intellectual
				independence...
[Ambrose Bierce, THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY]
----
			    Monday: 
				In Christian countries, the day after the
				football game.
[paraphrased from Ambose Bierce, THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY -- he used baseball
 instead]
----
					When uncertain or in doubt,
					Run in circles!	 Scream and shout!
[Dorable]
----
			   "President Reagan has advised the youth of America
			    that it is a good idea to practice total
			    abstinence from sex.  And that is a good
			    suggestion, Mr. President... now tell it to the
			    Marines."
					   -- Mark Russell
----
			   "Well... everybody's being very careful, these
			    days, sexually, but there are still several
			    pockets of promiscuity... the Marines and the
			    Evangelists."
					   -- Mark Russell
----
			   "I get all these stories mixed up, the headlines
			    come so fast... the money, the money that the Rev.
			    Jim Bakker allegedly gave to that church
			    secretary: I want to know how much of that money
			    went to the Contras in Nicuraugua and I want to
			    know NOW!"
					   -- Mark Russell
----
			   "I suppose that for the next year-and-a-half the
			    stock market will shoot way up every time Howard
			    Baker walks out of the Oval Office and says, `He's
			    alert today!'"
					   -- Mark Russell
----
			   "`JUST A ROBOT?!'  How would you like it if I
			    called you `Just a Jew?'"
[Luthor the robot loses his temper in AMERICAN FLAGG!]
----
			   "No FLACK!  No HASSLES!  No morons playing AL
			    CAPONE in the lobby!"
[Liz discusses the advantages of being a CPA in FORTUNE'S FRIENDS: Hell Week]
----
			   "Where I come from,
			    equality of the sexes is
			    a given -- so WE can hit
			    ANYONE."
						     "Oh... thank you... SO
						      much... for
						      explainnnn..."
[24th century manners, courtesty of THE JUSTICE LEAGUE]
----
			   "He'd make a fine addition
			    to the team, Batman... if
			    only he wasn't so lacking
			    in energy and
			    enthusiasm."
						     "We'll have to get him to
						      work on that."
[24th century manners, courtesty of THE JUSTICE LEAGUE]
----
			   "Splendid villain!  Very exuberant!"
[Uncle Max rates criminals in ZOT!]
----
			   "Maybe you were right...
			    maybe I don't belong
			    here."
						     "Yeah, well, *I* do! YOU
						      showed me that."
[A truly moving sequence from ZOT!]
----
			   "For my own part, regret nothing.  Have lived life,
			    free from compromise... and step into the shadow
			    now without complaint."
[Rorschach takes a rare look backward, from WATCHMEN]
----
			   "I simply cannot ride in a car that says, "Women's
			    Transit Authority" on the side."
[The Badger discusses the proprieties of driving in BADGER]
----
			"I cook with gas, I ride in tractors,
			 I drink with deceased movie actors."
[Badger Rap, from BADGER]
----
			   "Now then.  This is the situation.  Roaches.
			    Millions of roaches acting together under the
			    direction of a human.  Like me!  Or Burt
			    Reynolds!"
[One man and 50,000 rats against an army of Roaches.  BADGER]
----
			   "Stand by to be impressed."
[Lucifer tries to blow this joint.  From STIG'S INFERNO]
----
			   "Sorry... Mort Weisinger got the better of me for a
			    sec."
[A moment of panick due to the Plasma Monkeys.	From STIG'S INFERNO]
----
			   "I imagine you've guessed by now that these big
			    explosion panels are nothing more than an obvious
			    method of *greatly* reducing my penciling time."
[Ty Templeton footnotes how he Draws Comics.  From STIG'S INFERNO]
----
			   "What's this?  Your way of
			    saying you're sorry?"
						     "No... it's my way of
						      trying not to."
[Good writing from CROSSFIRE]
----
			   "My husband commits an
			    inconceivable act of
			    perversion with a
			    barnyard animal, and it's
			    not central to my case?!"
						     "Not in California."
[Arnie Becker discusses marital infidelities on L.A. LAW]
----
			   "Carob works on the principle that, when mixed with
			    the right combination of fats and sugar, it can
			    duplicate chocolate in color and texture. Of
			    course, the same can be said of dirt."
[From THE CHOCOLATE BOOK]
----
			    The New IBM PERSONAL SYSTEM COMPUTERS: 
				 Engineered...	by Lawyers
[Jeff Meyer]
----
			    Michael O'Donoghue on Louise Lasser's SNL hosting:
				"She was a nice woman going through a few
				 problems, but I wanted to force her to eat
				 her goddam pigtails at gunpoint."
					   -- "Saturday Night", Hill &
					       Weingrad
----
			Michael O'Donoghue's letter to Mademoiselle Magazine:
			  "Dear Editors:
				 I couldn't help but be a bit irked when I
				 noticed that you and [photographer] Duane
				 Michals had cropped my head out of the
				 photograph  that appears on page 121 of
				 your March issue.  I'd like to come over
				 there and kick every one of you in the cunt
				 if I didn't think it would ruin my shine.
 
						Michael O'Donoghue"
 
					   -- "Saturday Night", Hill &
					      Weingrad
----
			   "But now I am what I am today!  A responsible
			    citizen, and besides that... I packs a rod!"
[BULLET CROW discusses gun control]
----
			   "I'm the luckiest rabbit in the WORLD!  I'm going
			    to work for you, my hero... DICK DUCK, DUCK DICK!"
[A slight mistake in BULLET CROW]
----
			   "Hmmm... volcanic activity in the greater Sioux
			    City area."
[Weather conditions in BULLET CROW]
----
			   "Hi.	 I'm Luther.  Dumb ol' Luther -- the happy
			    sidekick.  The comedy relief.  And I'm going to
			    kill you."
[Luthor's cybernetic logic finally gives, in AMERICAN FLAGG!]
----
				"And the Angel of the Lord dropped upon him,
				 yea verily, saying:
					My left hand carries iron,
					The right one steel.
					If the left don't gitcha,
					Then the right one will."
[The Preacher gives his slightly warped version of scriptures, from GRIMJACK]
----
			   "...you thought you were alone, but you see,
			    there's monsters everywhere.  Most of the time, ya
			    don't even need Gamma rays to let 'em out."
[Philosophy from THE HULK]
----
			   "To live outside the law, you must be honest."
					   -- Bob Dylan
----
			   "I love America.  Electricity right from the wall,
			    anytime you want it."
[A Central American torturer discusses convenience, from THE PUNISHER]
----
			   "And God help whoever gets
			    in our way!"
						     "Dimitri...?"
			   "YES, Alexi?"
						     "We're not supposed to
						      believe in God." 
			   "Oh. That's right."
[Faux pas on the part of some Russian Super-Soldiers, from THE JUSTICE
 LEAGUE]
----
			   "Merry Christmas, scumwad."
[Norm Buntz's jolly wish to Belker's assailant on HILL STREET BLUES]
----
			   "That's the trouble with godhood: it robs you of
			    your finer judgement.  A deity so rarely has to
			    *pay* for his mistakes!"
[The Midgard Serpent analyzes mythic concepts...]
----
			   "...while heroes... heroes have an infinite
			    capacity for stupidity!  Thus are legends born!"
[...and THOR analyzes right back]
----
			   "HONK!  HONK!"
[The BADGER in moralistic turpitude]
----
			   "Yes!  The Animals!	Possibly the greatest band
			    ever.  Possibly not."
[The BADGER]
----
			   "And look... don't
			    threaten the customers.
			    They don't eat as much."
						     "I'll keep it in mind."
[Jezebel Jade comments on American service organizations, in JONNY QUEST]
----
			   "But you don't UNDERSTAND.
			    I've been doing this for
			    years now.	There's a
			    flash of light.  And I'm
			    on another planet."
						     "Yeah... Yeah, I
						      sometimes get that."
[Adam Strange attempts to explain his lifestyle, in SWAMP THING]
----
			   "Conquest."
						     "I had a premonition he
						      was going to say that."
[Cerebus -- who else?]
----
			   "But... surely, your
			    merciful Holiness... SOME
			    should be exempt from
			    such a draft?"
							"EXEMPT?!
							 ...
							 Oh, all *right*.
							 No DEAD people."
[Cerebus -- who else?]
----
			   "'Wit smoke and fire and fumes an' what-not comin'
			    outta dere nostrils... dey rep'esent youah
			    virility... Likewise wit' d'enormous bulge in
			    y'pants here."
[Portrait of a dictator... CEREBUS]
----
			    McDonald's new McSUSHI:
				"America's Eating It Raw!"
[SNL]
----
				"...for we have Vim... for we have Vigor...
				 for we have Advanced Nuclear Weaponry!"
[BULLET CROW's usual banter]
----
			   "Elektra.  Over there.  It's a flying dwarf."
[Strange doings in ELEKTRA: ASSASSIN]
----
			   "...you see, he thinks I'm crazy.  And I'm the
			    President.	So I've got the box. Damn Straight."
[The hilarious conclusion to ELEKTRA]
----
			   "Calling all units!	Leading monster stampede
			    through the bottomlands to lower forty!... Set up
			    ambush on flanks!... Also, do not shoot me!...
			    Repeat!... Do not shoot me!!!"
[FLAMING CARROT vs the Giant Japanese Monsters!]
----
			   "That Flaming Carrot is a real fire-eater!... He'd
			    charge Hell with a bucket of gasoline!"
[FLAMING CARROT]
----
			   "I shot 'em in the ears and blew their brains out!
			    I invented that!"
[FLAMING CARROT]
----
			   "You know monsters...  they're ALWAYS eating power
			    stations!"
[FLAMING CARROT]
----
			   "Hey, Flaming Carrot!...
			    What makes you so brave?"
						     "It's my birthday.	 Now
						      get outta here!"
[FLAMING CARROT]
----
			   "Fighting for peace is like screwing for
			    virginity."
[George Carlin]
----
			   "It is better to shred the bugger than to bugger
			    the shredder."
					   -- Ancient Doltic proverb.
----
			   "Taking drugs in the 60s, I tried to reach Nirvana,
			    But all I ever got were re-runs of The Mickey
			    Mouse Club."
					   -Rev. Jim
----
			   "The unique thing about the whole 'Masters of the
			    Universe' concept is that it combines sword and
			    sorcery with high tech, so you've got guys in
			    armor wielding swords, but they're also equipped
			    with lasers."
					   -- Gary Doddard, director of
					   'He-Man'
----
			   "Because he's a character who's looking for his own
			    identity, [He-Man is] an interesting role for an
			    actor."
					   -- Dolph Lundgren, actor[?!]
----
			   "If Jesus came back today, and saw what was going
			    on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up."
					   -- HANNAH AND HER SISTERS
----
			   "She got drunker, and drunker... and then she
			    became Joan Collins!"
					   -- HANNAH AND HER SISTERS
----
			   "Nietzsche says that we will live the same life,
			    over and over again.  God -- I'll have to sit
			    through the Ice Capades again."
					   -- HANNAH AND HER SISTERS
----
			   "How the hell do I know why there are Nazis? I
			    don't know why the can opener works."
					   -- HANNAH AND HER SISTERS
----
			   "In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told
			    him that he would die unless he received $20
			    million by March, God's lawyers have stated that
			    their client has not spoken with Roberts for
			    several years. Off the record, God has stated that
			    `if I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would
			    have done it a long time ago.'"
					   -- Dennis Miller, SNL News
----
			   "Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core."
						-- Hannah Arendt.
----
				Quod licet Iovi non licet bovi.
				[Translation: What Jove may do, 
					      is not permitted to a cow.]
[Ancient Phrase]
----
			   "AMERICA'S CUP FACT: Most of the people obsessed
			    with the America's cup are trendy jerks who hadn't
			    even heard of it a year ago."
					   -- Dennis Miller
----
			   "BEWARE, EVILDOERS, WHEREVER YOU ARE!"
					   -- The Masked Avenger
----
			   "Y'know, the world would be a beautiful place if it
			    certain people weren't in it."
					   -- RADIO DAYS
----
			   "I distrust a man who says when.  If he's got to be
			    careful not to drink too much, it's because he's
			    not to be trusted when he does."
					   -- Sidney Greenstreet, THE
					      MALTESE FALCON
----
			   "I distrust a close-mouthed man.  He generally
			    picks the wrong time to talk and says the wrong
			    things.  Talking's something you can't do
			    judiciously, unless you keep in practice.  Now,
			    sir, we'll talk if you like.  I'll tell you right
			    out, I'm a man who likes talking to a man who
			    likes to talk."
					   -- Sidney Greenstreet, THE
					      MALTESE FALCON
----
			   "You may be right, my faithful Indian companion."
					   -- RADIO DAYS
----
			   "Boy -- LOOKIT DEM GUNS!"
[Lustfull father in MR. MONSTER]
----
			   "Gosh, Mr. Monster...
			    You're SWELL!  I wanna be
			    jus' like you when I grow
			    up!"
						     "Ha Ha!  Well... OF
						      COURSE you do!"
[A sentimental moment in MR. MONSTER]
----
			   "All extremists should be taken out and shot."
[Anonymous]
----
			   "Hideous creatures from other dimensions!
			    What'll I do?  What'll I DO?!"
[The BADGER considers an everyday problem]
----
			   "You'd think IBOB would forgive and forget the
			    seventeen guys I chopped up in Nepal. But
			    NOOOOOOOO..."
[The BADGER]
----
			   "Hope this is the RIGHT guy!"
[The BADGER]
----
			   "This is the type of situation where your personal
			    health insurance really comes into focus."
[The IBOB demon from THE BADGER]
----
			   "BACK, spawn of Satan!
			    It's the Reverend Wallace
			    Wallop you face, and my
			    strength is GREAT, for I
			    do HIS work! This is a
			    battery-powered water
			    pistol filled with HOLY
			    WATER!  We don't hold
			    with the Papacy, but
			    Lord, LORD -- that Pope
			    can bless water like
			    NOBODY'S business!"
						     "Rambo him good in the
						      name of the Lord."
[The Rev. Wallace Wallop (and the Missus) dispatch yet another Hellspawn]
----
			   "The sixties were good to you, weren't they?"
					   -- George Carlin
----
			   "You stay here, Audrey -- this is between me and
			    the vegetable!"
[Seymour from LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS]
----
			    Any philosophy that can be put in a nut shell,
			    belongs there.
[Anonymous]
----
			   "From Sharp minds come... pointed heads."
					   -- Bryan Sparrowhawk
----
				There are two kinds of egotists: 
					1) Those who admit it  
					2) The rest of us
[Anonymous]
----
			    [From Prince Ra-Man's predictions for 1987]
 
			    3/29/86:  Marvel continues to prove that the New
				      Universe is more true-to-life, by
				      canceling three of the titles -- just
				      as would happen to *real* comic books
				      that are incredibly bad.
 
			    4/2/86:   Rebounding from the demise of the
				      three New Universe titles, Marvel
				      announces that they will be replaced
				      by three new mini-series set to run in
				      the second half of the year: X-Men vs.
				      the G.I. Joes, X-Men vs. the Ewoks,
				      and X-Men vs. Jarvis the Butler. 
					   -- R. A. Jones
----
			   "How dare they jail me!  Those freedom-loving
			    American JERKS!"
[Godless Commie Scientist from ATOMIC MAN COMICS]
----
			   "Who could be attacking me in my own home?  Egor
			    Green?  Galxor of Xaytan?  Horrortroy the
			    DevilDog? Dr. Stardust?  Bug Boy?  Or some new
			    bozo with a bad attitude?"
[Atomic Man!]
----
			   "Well, we must face a new reality.  No more
			    carefree days of chasing squirrels, running
			    through the park, or howling at the moon.  On the
			    other hand, no more `Fetch the stick, boy, fetch
			    the stick.'"
[The Far Side, by Gary Larson]
----
			   "Thunderstick?...  You actually said
			    `Thunderstick'?...	That, my friend, is a
			    Winchester 30.06."
[The Far Side, by Gary Larson]
----
			   "The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen...  The
			    world's climates are changing, the mammals are
			    taking over, and we all have a brain about the
			    size of a walnut."
[The Far Side, by Gary Larson]
----
			   "Really, I'm confident
			    that when all the facts
			    are in, you'll see that
			    there's no cause for
			    interdepartmental
			    tension..."
						     "THIS before
						      breakfast..."
[A disembodied head from ELEKTRA: ASSASSIN]
----
			   "I've heard all kinds of sounds from these things,
			    but `yabba dabba doo' was a new one to me."
[The Far Side, by Gary Larson]
----
			   "Notice all the computations, theoretical
			    scribblings, and lab equipment, Norm. ... Yes,
			    curiosity killed these cats."
[The Far Side, by Gary Larson]
----
			   "Sure, I'll draw, mister -- but first you gotta say
			    the magic word... Didn't your mother ever teach
			    you the magic word?"
[The Far Side, by Gary Larson]
----
			   "A cat killer?  Is that a face of a cat killer?
			    Cat CHASER, maybe.	But hey -- who isn't?"
[The Far Side, by Gary Larson]
----
			   "Well, Mr. Cody, according to our questionnaire,
			    you would probably excel in sales, advertising,
			    slaughtering a few thousand buffalo, or market
			    research."
[The Far Side, by Gary Larson]
----
			   "Remember me, Mr. Schneider?	 Kenya, 1947.  If
			    you're going to shoot an elephant, Mr. Schneider,
			    you better be prepared to finish the job."
[The Far Side, by Gary Larson]
----
			[sung to "The Ballad of the Green Berets"]
			
				Fighting soldier
						In Vietnam,
				The perfect son
						To any Mom,
				He's one part man,
						One part machine,
				He's Ollie North,
						The Mute Marine.
[...]
				He traded arms
						With Iran
				For hostages --
						What a great plan!
				The chances for
						Success were zero;
				Yet he's still
						A national hero.
[...]
				He'd like to talk
						But cannot speak,
				His will is strong,
						His case is weak;
				We may never know
						Just what he's seen:
				The man they call,
						The Mute Marine.
 
					   -- Saturday Night Live
----
			   "What IS a `moderate Iranian', anyway? Someone who
			    takes hostages but doesn't eat them?"
					   -- Mark Russell
----
			   "Badger, what kind of
			    amplifier should I get?"
						     "A BIG one."
[The Badger giving out Hi-Fi advice]
----
			   "Oh, No!  My heart is racing!  The metamorphosis
			    has started!  It's too late -- I can't stop it!
			    I'll be that ugly green monster -- hated and
			    hunted! I'm...
					    I'm...
						    I'm GUMBY, Dammit!"
[From BOFFO LAUGHS]
----
			   "A keyboard... how quaint."
[Engineer Scott gives his considered opinion of a Macintosh -- Star Trek IV]
----
			   "I liketh a band that playeth the oldies."
					   -- David Addison
----
			   "I've been kicking Reagan all the time he's been
			    up; I see no reason to stop now that he's down."
					   -- Jeff Meyer
----
			   "So you're from outer
			    space!"
						     "Actually, I'm from Iowa;
						      I just WORK in outer
						      space."
[Captain Kirk on careers -- Star Trek IV]
----
			   "We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us
			    off, and we'll bomb your cities."
					   -- Robin Williams
----
			[Lester Maddox talking to Prime Minister Botha of
			 South Africa]
			   "Lemme show ya the odds, Sparky... In yer country,
			    ya got 14 million black people, and 3 million
			    white people.
 
			   "Now, does the name `Custer' mean anything to you?"
					   -- Robin Williams
----
			   "Dan, you risked your LIFE
			    for cheap sex?"
						     "You say that as if it
						      were a bad thing."
[Harry and Dan from NIGHT COURT]
----
			 Frank Miller and Lynn Varley's Christmas wish:
			   "We would like to have Jerry Falwell, Lyndon
			    LaRouche, and Pat Robertson chained to a radiator
			    while Harlan Ellison reads them the U.S.
			    Constitution."
[From THE COMIC BUYER'S GUIDE, a Christmas wish from two of the creators of
DARK KNIGHT]
----
			   "Well, Chas, it's like this... I'm under psychic
			    domination by a ninja assassin with magic powers
			    with a body almost as good as yours who needs to
			    kill Ken Wind because he's possessed by a demon.
			    How've you been?"
[Agent Garret tries to summarize his situation to a colleague... from
 ELEKTRA]
----
			   "A gentleman representing
			    a Slavic country has
			    offered me $100 million
			    to destroy the American
			    wheat crop.	 What do you
			    say?"
						     "You don't crap where you
						      sleep."
[Ham presents THE BADGER with an economic enigma...]
----
					"No heavy pitch!
					 No lame digression!
					 We're at the peak
					 Of our profession!"
[Jaques expounds on CLONEZONE's skills as a video tech]
----
			   "Because I live in the hearts and minds of everyone
			    who believes in TRUTH, JUSTICE and THE AMERICAN
			    WAY.  And that is bigger than you.	Bigger than
			    anyone who tries to make me in their own image."
[From THE MAN OF RUST]
----
			   "You have to ask.  Just once in your life, you have
			    to ask."
					   -- Irwin Bernstein
[A truism from the long-suffering DA on HILL STREET BLUES (played by George
 Wyner)]
----
			    FLUKE MINUTE SAFETY TEST:
			    In case of fire, save the
				 a.  women and children.
				 b.  expensive equipment.
				 c.  jewelry and wallets of those who've
				     succumbed to smoke inhalation.
[Originally a part of a Sane Man quiz -- I abscounded with it]
----
			   "None of you understand.  I'm not locked up in here
			    with you.  YOU'RE locked up in here with ME."
[Rorschach sets people straight.  WATCHMEN #6]
----
			   "Even in 1956, when informed of his mother's brutal
			    murder, he restricted his comments to one word:
			    `Good.'"
[From the medical report on Rorschach.	WATCHMEn #6]
----
			   "Bumbling?  BUMBLING?  You can't even speak
			    English, and you're INSULTING people?"
[An angry accountant from MERC]
----
			   "What mistakes have you made, Lieutenant? You kept
			    the media away from it.  That's the bottom line,
			    isn't it?  Yes it is."
[Lt. Gordon gets a lecture on departmental priorities.	From BATMAN: YEAR 1]
----
			   "All I want to do is read ONE good comic book
			    before I go COMPLETELY blind!"
[The GNATRAT complains again...]
----
				Why won't sharks eat lawyers?
				Professional courtesy.
[Anonymous]
----
			   "This guy wants to be in the White House because
			    Jesus told him.  Jesus woke him up and went:
			    `Pssst.  Pat.  Pat.	 Yeah, it's Jesus, man.	 Hey,
			    hey, I want you to run for president.'"
					   -- Sam Kinison
----
			   "It's like: `JESUS TOLD ME TO!  NOW WHAT?'"
					   -- Sam Kinison
----
			   "You know, I remember when the Lord spoke to me and
			    said to go into radio.  And that was about the
			    time Jesus said 'Expand your ministry into the
			    television area.'  And that was about the time
			    Jesus spoke to me and said to put out a satellite
			    so the government couldn't control our
			    transmissions.  And it was about that time that
			    Jesus came to me and begin to explain to me the
			    non-profit corporation principle.  Yeah, and then
			    Jesus told me to build an amusement park, it would
			    be non-profit.  YAH!" [rude gesture] 
					   -- Sam Kinison
----
				"A-B-C-D-E-F-G,
				 Sell your story to TV,
				 How you turned in Mom & Dad --
				 Wasn't Mrs. Reagan glad?"
						-- Mark Russell
----
			    Robin Williams on engineering majors:
			       "We don't get laid much, but we're building the
				future."
----
			   "You know, we've won awards for this crap."
					   -- David Letterman
----
			   "This is no time to act like a gentleman.  I am a
			    cad and shall react like one."
					   -- George Sanders
----
			   "What a bonanza!  An unknown beginner to be
			    directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and
			    Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two
			    superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and
			    to be beaten up by both of them!"
					   -- David Niven, BRING ON THE
						EMPTY HORSES
----
			   "I thought I told you to SHUT UP!"
					   -- Reid Fleming, World's Toughest
					      Milkman
----
			   "WHO'S TARIM, NECROSS!!?"
						     "NO!  PLEASE!  I'LL GIVE
						      YOU ALL THE GOLD!	 EVERY
						      COIN!"
			   "*WHO*?!"
						     "YOU ARE!	**YOU**!"
			   "damn right."
[CEREBUS and The Big Stone Guy go at it...]
----
			   "Sorority girls!  I'll get
			    you sorority girls!"
						     "Nah...."
[Christine tries to find a substitute for the obligation she owes Dan --
 from NIGHT COURT]
----
			   "You've just killed a small animal.	It's time for
			    a light beer."
					   -- Robin Williams
----
		   It was pity stayed his hand.
 
		   "Pity I don't have any more bullets," thought Frito.
					   -- BORED OF THE RINGS
----
			   "This... this is a great pig."
[Ham expresses his appreciation in THE BADGER]
----
			   "Don't believe a word she says, Monsieur!  The
			    sheep, they are all LIARS!"
[A French citizen attempting to dissuade THE BADGER]
----
			   "Bah!  You can't make a sow's ear out of a cheap
			    thug!"
[Ham re-iterates one of Circe's old complaints in THE BADGER]
----
			Who says you can't have it all?
				a. Michelob Light.
				b. Heidegger.
				c. The IRS.
					   -- A sane man
----
			A good USENET motto would be
				a. "Together, a strong community."
				b. "Computers R Us."
				c. "I'm sick of programming, I think I'll
				    just fuck around for a while on company 
				    time."
					   -- A Sane Man
----
			   "He didn't run for reelection.  `Politics brings
			    you into contact with all the people you'd give
			    anything to avoid,' he said. `I'm staying home.'"
					   -- Garrison Keillor, LAKE
						WOBEGONE DAYS
----
			   "If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd
			    buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off,
			    wouldn't you?"
					   -- Garrison Keillor
----
			Seen in TV Guide, describing
			the Star Trek episode _Amok_Time_:
			   "Mr. Spock succumbs to a powerful mating urge and
			    nearly kills Captain Kirk."
----
			   "And I'm a respected psychiatrist!"
[Frasier Crane discussing homicidal tendencies towards Diane to Sam on
CHEERS]
----
			   "Poor man... he was like an employee to me."
[The police commisioner on SLEDGE HAMMER laments the death of his bodyguard]
----
			   "I know what I'm doing.  Trust me."
[The motto of SLEDGE HAMMER]
----
			   "That man makes Rambo look like Pee-Wee Herman."
[The description of SLEDGE HAMMER]
----
			   "Hiyo God Damn Silver."
[Oliver Queen in THE DARK KNIGHT FALLS]
----
			   "She has decades-- *decades*, left to her..."
[Wayne comments on Robin in THE DARK KNIGHT FALLS]
----
			   "Who *was* that spud?
			    Talks like my dad."
						     "He used to fight crime."
[Robin and Wayne discuss Oliver in THE DARK KNIGHT FALLS]
----
			   "Nothing we can't handle, folks.  We're still
			    America... and I'm still President."
[Ronnie Regan as Mr. Reassuring in THE DARK KNIGHT FALLS]
----
			   "Isn't tonight a school night?"
[Superman asks an interrogative of a traunt Robin in a tank in THE DARK
 KNIGHT FALLS]
----
			   "You gotta be cruel to be kind..."
[Nick Lowe]
----
			   "Oh, dear Heavens, it's --
			    *gasp* -- the ROGUES!"
						     "Lovely reading,
						      Elvira... you should
						      have gone into theatre."
[Those experts from the Institute for Hyper-Normal Conflicts, in BLUE DEVIL]
----
			   "Hi.	 This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine.
			    Please leave your name and number... and after
			    I've doctored the tape, your message will
			    implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to
			    the attention of the F.B.I... BEEEP."
[And the Devil Himself, from BLUE DEVIL]
----
			   "He's our leader!  The wisest of us all!  At least,
			    that's what my parents always say."
[Just another misguided super-ape from BLUE DEVIL]
----
			   "Look at that!  It's
			    AMAZING!"
						     "You're right!  How does
						      he manage to speak and
						      blow the pipe at the
						      SAME TIME?!"
[And DC continuity is wrecked again in BLUE DEVIL]
----
			   "And *this* -- this is for losing my new luggage,
			    you SLIMEBALL!"
[Race Bannon finally loses his temper in JONNY QUEST]
----
			   "DAMMIT, MacAlistaire...
			    you'll *live* longer in
			    civilization."
						     "Jest seems longer."
[MacAlistaire and the poet part (finally) in Journey]
----
			   "You FIEND!	What have you
			    done with Daisy?"
						     "You IDIOT!  She's
						      arranging transportation
						      to France!"
			   "You TROGLADYTE!  What's
			    in France?"
						     "Truffles, you demented
						      bandicoot!"
[Badger and Ham having a Tiff... in THE BADGER]
----
			   "You think this hat is stupid?"
[Another stylistic MERC...]
----
			   "All God's children are not beautiful.  Most of
			    God's children are, in fact, barely presentable."
					   -- Fran Lebowitz
----
			   "If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair
			    done in the library?"
					   -- Lily Tomlin
----
			   "Thank you for flying U.S.A.F. We hope that you
			    will consider us again when your travel plans next
			    include bombing Tripoli."
[Anonymous Netter]
----
			   "He who uses an 8088 will be reincarnated as one."
[Anonymous Netter]
----
			   "I think we should stop looking for issues to
			    discuss.  I think we should shut up and get to
			    work."
					   -- Howard Chaykin
----
			   "I use more sex than violence 'cause I know more
			    about it."
					   -- Howard Chaykin
----
			   "In a few years, I think we'll be marketing Marvel
			    Comics like computer software."
					   -- Archie Goodwin
----
			   "Creative people all come in and want their stuff
			    printed on gold leaf."
					   -- Jim Shooter
----
			   "We all have the capability for a good idea.	 We
			    should have the ability to protect them, and the
			    wisdom to share them."
					   -- Jack Kirby
----
			   "CRISIS erased the mistakes of the last 50 years.
			    It's up to us to make the mistakes for the NEXT 50
			    years."
					   -- Marvel Wolfman
----
			   "It's really difficult to sympathize with someone
			    who can bounce bullets off his chest."
					   -- Frank Miller
----
			   "You must understand that I find The Batman a very
			    noble character."
					   -- Frank Miller
----
			  "Whom the gods would destroy, they first teach BASIC."
[Anonymous Netter]
----
			   "Evil... pure and simple, from the Eighth Dimension!"
[Our Man Buckaroo, seeing evil where no one else can... BUCKAROO BANZAI]
----
			   "Yes, it would be the easy way... but it wouldn't
			    be the COWBOY way."
					   -- Ranger Doug
[From the musical group RANGERS IN THE SKY]
----
			   "If I were going to create a New Universe, I'd rest
			    on the seventh day."
					   -- Jack Kirby
----
			   "Catharsis is something I associate with
			    pornography and crossword puzzles."
					   -- Howard Chaykin
----
			   "Each Man must stand on his own!... Must answer to
			    his own God!...  I will probably WIN though..."
					   -- Flaming Carrot
----
			   "Brother against brother!... Friend against
			    friend!! DENTIST against DENTIST!!!"
[Things go from bad to worse in FLAMING CARROT]
----
			   "In fact, Life *itself* is
			    looking pretty
			    meaningless, if not
			    outright UGLY."
						     "`Hill Street Blues' into
						      reruns again?"
[Milo and Binkley discuss enui... BLOOM COUNTY]
----
			   "Look at him!  Just *look*
			    at him! What's he doing?"
						     "Scratching his head."
			   "...with his foot.  I
			    quit!"
[... and Opus looks at wrestling.  BLOOM COUNTY]
----
			   "I am FLAMING CARROT!  Even best friends fear me a
			    little!"
----
			   "I am grim... and harsh... and ripe with fury!  I
			    fight and kill and howl and get *all bloody*!  I
			    go bowling whenever I want!"
[The Carrot's statements on life...]
----
			   "Guess who's not hiding anymore? Ha-ha-ha!"
[...and fair play.  FLAMING CARROT]
----
			   "Kid -- riding a buffalo is dangerous!  Keep the
			    change and buy yourself a gravity knife and some
			    fireworks."
[Sound advice from THE BADGER]
----
			   "WHY!! It's the CULMINATION, son!  The NEXUS point!
			    The HOLE in the DONUT!  The EVENT of the
			    MILLENIUM!	The GREATEST story ever TOLD, son! And
			    YOU, I say, YOU ARE THERE!"
[Elrod the Albino at a turnpike in history, in, ah say in, CEREBUS]
----
			   "...and then, of course, there's
			    what's-his-name... the one who lives in
			    Metropolis."
[Batman cites precidents for inhuman sexual behavior in SWAMP THING]
----
			   "Get away from her, you BITCH!"
[You wanna argue with a Woman Waldo?  ALIENS]
----
			   "I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid."
[That lovable android from ALIENS]
----
			   "The only way I can lose this election is if I'm
			    caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy."
					   -- Louisiana governor Edwin
					      Edwards
----
			     Kentucky: The state that needs Japan to bring it 
				       into the 20th century.
[Anonymous Net Poster]
----
				They seek him here, they seek him there; 
				They seek that scoundrel everywhere!
				Is he in space, or traveling time?
				That damned Napoleon of Crime!
[Moi]
----
	    David Letterman's "Things we can be proud of as Americans":
		* Greatest number of citizens who have actually boarded a UFO
		* Many newspapers feature "JUMBLE"
		* Hourly motel rates
		* Vast majority of Elvis movies made here
		* Didn't just give up right away during World War II
		  like some countries we could mention
		* Goatees & Van Dykes thought to be worn only by weenies
		* Our well-behaved golf professionals
		* Fabulous babes coast to coast
----
			   "What do you mean... `NO MORE BODIES'!?"
[A very perturbed NoMan]
----
			   "But your creed, your
			    ethos... it was one of
			    your most appealing
			    features."
						     "You know, Larry,
						      sometimes I say
						      things... and
						      afterwards, I can't
						      remember saying them."
[The Yak and The Badger debate philosophy]
----
			   "They seek him here, they seek him there... they
			    seek that Snowman everywhere!  Is he in Youngstown
			    -- or Cincinnati?  That damned, elusive, two-ton
			    Yeti?"
[The Badger, In Search]
----
			   "I am out there saving the world from Commies and
			    Martians who will eat your feet... and he's making
			    peanut brittle in my washer!"
[The Flaming Carrot bitches...]
----
			   "Gosh, Dr. Heller... even
			    your Death Ray doesn't
			    work!"
						     "By Gar!  How do you kill
						      a dead dog?"
[Flaming Carrot and Dr. Heller try to, err, kill, a dead dog]
----
			   "Flaming Carrot!"
						     "I win!... I defeated
						      DEAD DOG!"
			   "But how?"
						     "I wacked it apart with
						      two-by-four!"
[The secret to any battle, by my main man FC]
----
			   "Didja think one tool
			    would change the world?
			    We're a symbol -- the
			    whole Star Key
			    experiment... we're a
			    walkin' allegory!"
						     "Oh, yeah?	 An allegory
						      of what?"
			   "Of a good guy doin' a
			    good job, no matter what
			    it takes!"
[Flyin' Ryan and Steelgrip Starkey]
----
			   "I'm going to kill
			    everyone in this room."
						     "Now that's DARN rude."
[The Joker visits David Letterman]
----
			   "From the beginning, I knew... that there was
			    nothing wrong with you... that I can't fix... with
			    my hands..."
[Archtypical Dark Knight]
----
			   "Whatever happened to
			    him?"
						     "Uh, well, he pulled it
						      on Rorschach and
						      Rorschach dropped him
						      down an elevator shaft."
[A Rorschach pique is discussed]
----
			   "You can shoot... the animals... in the forest...
			    but you cannot... shoot the *forest*."
[Nature and the Swamp Thing]
----
			   "Warning... Me--?  YOU... are warning... ME...?"
[Nature and the Swamp Thing]
----
			   "Contempt?  Yes.  Yes, I think that's the word.
			    Contempt."
[Abby Cable comments on the US courts in SWAMP THING]
----
			   "I feel the Need..."
						     "The Need..."
					"FOR SPEED!"
[Maverick and Goose in _TOP_GUN_]
----
			   "...pull upward slowly, lock elbow and apply
			    pressure while pummeling opponent's skull with
			    folding chair..."
[Wide World of Wrestling with Opus in BLOOM COUNTY]
----
			   "He's going to kill me.  I KNOW it.	That's the
			    kind of day it's been."
[One of those days for the Black Cat]
----
			   "Yow!  A genuine MARK OF
			    THE DEVIL vomit bag!  I
			    can't throw up into this!
			    *GLUG*"
						     "My hat!"
[The Badger samples Aussie hospitality]
----
			   "Addison, what are we
			    going to do?"
						     "Me, I'm examining the
						      major Western religions.
						      I'm looking for
						      something that's soft on
						      morality, generous with
						      holidays, and has a
						      short initiation
						      period."
[Dave and Maddie on Moonlighting]
----
			   "Don't worry son, the marines don't mind killing
			    Martians."
[Army philosophy in _Invaders_from_Mars_]
----
			   "...wow, look at all the spiders.  I GUESS that's a
			    good sign."
					-- overheard at the public beach,
					   Rancho Seco Nuclear Power Plant
					   cooling lake.
----
			   "Mayor of Kiev Declares May Indoor Sports Month"
					   -Pravda
----
				I will not drink!
				But if I do...
				I will not get drunk!
				But if I do...
				I will not in public!
				But if I do...
				I will not fall down!
				But if I do...
				I will fall face down so that they cannot
				    see my Fluke badge.
[Fellow Flukie]
----
			   "You know what I wish?  I wish all the scum of the
			    Net had one throat and I had my hands about it."
					   -- Rorschach (1985)
----
			   "Is that a real poncho... I mean
			    Is that a Mexican poncho or is that a Sears poncho?"
[Frank Zappa, "Camarillo Brillo"]
----
			   "The doctor said I had dain bramage... But my
			    friends don't know what 'dat shit is."
[Seen on Net]
----
			    Definition of STRESS: That confusion created when
			    one's mind overrides the body's desire to choke
			    the living shit out of some asshole who
			    desperately needs it!
[fortunes program]
----
			   "Oh sure, this costume may look silly, but it lets
			    me get in and out of dangerous situations -- I work
			    for a federal task force doing a survey on urban
			    crime.  Look, here's my ID, and here's a number
			    you can call, that will put you through to our
			    central base in Atlanta.  Go ahead, call -- they'll
			    confirm who I am.
 
			   "Unless, of course, the Astro-Zombies have
			    destroyed it."
					   -- Captain Freedom
[Dennis Dugan as Captain Freedom on Hill Street Blues]
----
			   "Goldfish... what stupid animals.  Even Wayne Cody
			    stops eating before he bursts."
[Local Seattle comedian]
----
			   "Women: can't live with 'em... Can't shoot 'em."
					   -- David Addison
----
			   "Danger, you haven't seen
			    the last of me!"
						     "No, but the first of you
						      turns my stomach!"
[The Firesign Theatre's NICK DANGER]
----
			    Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and
			    getting out of the way before it is understood.
[The fortunes program]
----
			    Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.
					   -- Russian Proverb
----