Subject: 1993 Moriarty Quote List [Corrected 1992 List, Part 8 of 11] Message-ID: <1993May10.035535.22080@tc.fluke.COM> Keywords: Acres O' Quotes Organization: The Institute for Criminal Science, Gizmonics Control References: <1993May10.032105.21262@tc.fluke.COM> <1993May10.035449.22020@tc.fluke.COM> Date: Mon, 10 May 1993 03:55:35 GMT Lines: 1851 MONDO VIDEO with Prof. Fred Hopkins: "YOUNG GUNS (Vestron). Big-budget misfire stars Emilio Estevez, Kiefer Sutherland, Lou Diamond Phillips, Charlie Sheen and two others as Hollywood drugstore outlaws. If you made one of them a construction worker and another an Indian, they'd be The Village People!" ---- MONDO VIDEO with Prof. Fred Hopkins: "FUNNY FARM (Warners). A lot of good things have gotten screwed up during the 80s. Chevy Chase isn't one of them -- he stopped being funny in 1977!" ---- "Peace on Earth. Wish you were here." [Dan'l Danehy-Oakes' Christmas Card greetings...] ---- "A bear in his natural habitat: a Studebaker!" [THE MUPPET MOVIE] ---- "I'm too old for Santa Claus, and I don't believe in Batman." [From JON SABLE, FREELANCE] ---- "Anyone with an active mind lives on tentatives rather than tenets." -- Robert Frost ---- "Those whose hope is weak settle down for comfort or for violence; those whose hope is strong see and cherish all signs of new life and are ready at every moment to help the birth of that which is ready to be born." -- Erich Fromm ---- "To be nobody-but-myself -- in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting." -- e. e. cummings ---- "On the day of victory no one is tired." -- Arab proverb ---- "Tradition does not mean that the living are dead; it means the dead are living." -- Harold Macmillan ---- "They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live in one another still." -- William Penn ---- "I can't help feeling wary when I hear anything said about the masses. First you take their faces from 'em by calling 'em the masses and then you accuse 'em of not having any faces." -- J. B. Priestley ---- "In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments -- there are consequences." -- Robert Green Ingalls ---- "Man is not the creature of circumstances. Circumstances are the creatures of men." -- Benjamin Disraeli ---- "The Boom Tube has emerged on Earth!" "How can you be so sure?" "Just look at the tacky furniture!" [Those trite androids from MR. MIRACLE] ---- "Mr. Nguyen, I'm dead, not stupid." [A wise zombie from BILLY NGUYEN] ---- "Mention Jerry Garcia and I'll puke on your shoes." [A ha-ha from BILLY NGUYEN] ---- "I think that is what is called a `self-fulfilling prophecy.' I think it is a brave thing, and... I think it is wonderful." [Yeah, that's the effect DOC SAVAGE has on people...] ---- "So we're not alone. Now I have to die -- *now*! Just when human history promises to become interesting!" [CONCRETE's Mom grumbling about dying, after finding out her son's brain is in an alien's body] ---- "A man can do something for peace without having to jump into politics. Each man has inside him a basic decency and goodness. If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what it is the world needs most." -- Pablo Casals ---- "It is at night that faith in light is admirable." -- Edmond Rostand ---- "For me the cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake." -- Alfred Hitchcock ---- "Bill Cosby, huh?" "If you play your cards right..." [David Addison, baby, from MOONLIGHTING] ---- "What're you trying to do -- screw up our chances for syndication?" [David, from MOONLIGHTING] ---- "WITHOUT A RE-RUN, WITHOUT A RE-RUN, WITHOUT A RE-RUN, [except one or two...]" [Surrreee... the MOONLIGHTING cast makes some promises for the new season] ---- "Chi-ka-go! Bang Bang!" [Czech border guards (including Joe Flaharty) with guns pointed at them, from STRIPES] ---- "We're not going to Moscow -- it's Czechoslovakia! It's like going into Wisconsin!" [Bill Murray paints a rosy scenario in STRIPES] ---- "Nah, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn." "Yeah, would they send us someplace special?" [Bill Murray and Harold Ramis in an Army recruiting station in STRIPES] ---- "Oh, you look like a sensitive, intelligent guy. Don't make me shoot you." [The kind of cute M.P. that appears only in movies, from STRIPES] ---- "We're Americans -- with a capital 'A'! And do you know what that means? Do you? It means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world." [Rousing speech by Bill Murray in STRIPES] ---- "You know, you're very pretty... for a cop!" [Bill Murray's line to P.J. Soles in STRIPES] ---- "Hey! You didn't read me my rights!" "This is Mexico, pal. The only Miranda they've heard of around here wears bananas on her head." [I dunno... I got it from Jerry Boyajian] ---- "There's no such thing as evil. Just excuses that heaven won't accept." [Peter David] ---- "Famous age-old rock group Pink Floyd visited the Soviet Union this week where their historic album [Dark Side of the Moon] has been on the Soviet top ten list for the last decade. Spokesmen for the Soviet government welcoming the group to Moscow said, `Wow... the Floyd, man.'" -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update ---- "New York's record lottery prize of $45 million was claimed today by Raymond Simmons, an unemployed crack addict from Brooklyn. He said he planned no changes in his life-style." -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update ---- "Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, `You gotta be in it to win it... but first, you gotta have a dead-end job so pathetic you're willing to kill five hours standing in line for a 1 in 25 million chance.'" -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update ---- MONDO VIDEO with Prof. Fred Hopkins: "SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS (MGM/UA) 1957. Over-achieving gluttony, excessive sex, and inebriation among powerful Manhattan entertainment columnists. Why don't I ever get invited to these parties?" ---- Geraldo Rivera on the cover of the NATIONAL ENQUIRER, regarding his being hit on the air: "I battled hate-mongers -- and won!" ---- "Following the Geraldo Rivera `watch out for flying chairs' incident there was a deep belch of media concern about Trash Television. Newsweek, the Washington Post, and a few other publications ran anguished analyses. Television experts told us, grimly, what this trend says about our country. (I already knew what it said about our country -- `We're stupid' -- but it was fun to hear the experts say that in 25 words or more.)" -- Alex Heard ---- "I've never thought my speeches were too long; I've enjoyed them." -- Hubert Humphrey ---- "When the President does it, that means it's not illegal." -- Richard Nixon ---- "There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full." -- Henry Kissinger ---- "It is fun being in the same decade with you." -- FDR to Winston Churchill, 1942 ---- "God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December." -- Sir James Barrie ---- "The American people were asked to choose between a candidate whose theme was `We're all right, Jack,' and a candidate who said, `Eat your broccoli.'" -- William Schneider ---- "Young conservatives must feel the withdrawal symptoms most. It's not just the loss of a father figure, either. It's the utter banality of what is to come. After eight years of revolutionary activity, schmoozing with George Bush is going to be difficult. Trained to kill, they're suddenly having to take crash courses in outreach. You can see them wandering aimlessly around Washington these days, pained, simpering grins on their faces, engaging in mild post-Reagan banter. `How're you doing today, Clinton?' `Oh, kinder and gentler, Dean, thank you.'" -- Andrew Sullivan ---- "In our last episode, Hoodwinkle was searching for a cure to a disease plaguing the world." "At last, a cure for loud Hawaiian shirts!" [From THE NEW ADVENTURES OF MIGHTY MOUSE] ---- "Well, Zoiks! Let's take off his mask and see who he is. [...] Hey, there's nothing under here but a neck and some tendons." [From THE NEW ADVENTURES OF MIGHTY MOUSE] ---- "Look, it's Mister *E*!" "I pity the fool who picks on my group of ethnically-mixed friends." [From THE NEW ADVENTURES OF MIGHTY MOUSE] ---- "Gosh, I feel my IQ dropping by the minute." [From THE NEW ADVENTURES OF MIGHTY MOUSE] ---- "Now I see why they call television a medium. Nothing on it is rare or well-done." [From THE NEW ADVENTURES OF MIGHTY MOUSE] ---- "No job too big; no fee too big!" -- Bill Murray, GHOSTBUSTERS ---- "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven." -- John Milton ---- "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction." -- E. F. Schumacher ---- "Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood." -- T.S. Elliot ---- Re: an article titled 'Inside The Dukakis Campaign': "Kinda like looking up a dead horse's ass." -- William Meyer (succinctly put, Dad) ---- "I'd like to ram a hunk of fried goat cheese straight up his ass." [A wonderful line from MYSTIC PIZZA] ---- "In a calm sea every man is a pilot." -- John Ray ---- BEST non sequitur FOR 1988: "Let's cut through the demagoguery. America is #1." -- George Bush ---- "Everybody knows they're worth something on this world. But we're never quite sure on my planet. We're always trying to prove it to someone." [Another solemn, gently ironic line from ZOT!] ---- "There's too many people here! Maybe we should kill some!" [Yow! FLAMING CARROT and Screwball on a binge!] ---- "You took on the immortal DR. FOOM with a MEATBALL!" [A fine-lookin' babe expresses amazement at one of FLAMING CARROT's stories] ---- "Better watch out, Carrot, or you're going to wind up as a Saturday morning cartoon character, just like Mr. T!" "Alright! That did it!" [Tension you could cut through with a wiffleball in FLAMING CARROT COMICS] ---- "So, what's on, Doyle?" "Ah, videos, unless you wanna see THE SCARLET CLAW." "Might as well. Holmes does that cool speech on Canada at the end." [Jaime, Jaime, Jaime... from LOVE & ROCKETS] ---- "If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity." -- John F. Kennedy ---- "Unhappiness is the hunger to get; happiness is the hunger to give." -- William George Jordan ---- "The fate of the country... does not depend on what kind of paper you drop into the ballot box once a year, but on what kind of man you drop from your chamber into the street every morning." -- Henry David Thoreau ---- "I have occasional memory lapses." "Oh, I get it. You're a politician." [A rather odd comparison: THE HULK and politicians. Script by Peter David.] ---- "You've got to learn more about Motown, Miles. Those raisins didn't invent that song, you know." [From the TV series MURPHY BROWN] ---- "I am the Supreme Being, you know. I'm not entirely dim." [Sir Ralph Richardson as God (he's probably at the right hand of Him, anyway) in TIME BANDITS] ---- "I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass... ...and I'm all out of bubble gum." [From THEY LIVE!] ---- "Democratic Vice-Presidential candidate Lloyd Bentson today said that he would now return to his old job as the Grandfather Clock on the Captain Kangaroo show." -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update ---- "Isn't it ironic that Herman Wouk's WAR AND REMEMBRANCE cost $110,000,000 to produce when World War II itself cost only $80,000,000." -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update ---- "Y'know, the movie sequel ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS was released this week, one of the Biblical signs that Armageddon is near." -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update ---- "No love without freedom. No freedom without love. Simple truths. Worth dying for." [A broken (or is he?) #6 speaks to the new #6 in THE PRISONER comic] ---- IAN SHOALES Re: LOTTERIES: "Luck gets a bureaucracy." ---- "Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't cross the thin line between cute and demonic." -- Ian Shoales ---- "I don't like people who speak French in public places. This includes the French." -- Ian Shoales ---- MONDO VIDEO with Prof. Fred Hopkins: "E.T. (MCA). I met him at the Video Software Dealers Association Convention in Las Vegas. Helluva sweet guy." ---- MONDO VIDEO with Prof. Fred Hopkins: "SCAVENGERS (Academy). As far as films featuring stuntment driving motorcycles out of airplanes goes, this is one of the best." ---- MONDO VIDEO with Prof. Fred Hopkins: "BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY (MGM/UA). Michael J. Fox is a Manhattan yuppie who worries about his identity while wearing $400 suits and driving his new BMW. This is about as gritty as Fox ever gets." ---- "Several great men have occupied the vice presidential office -- Thomas Jefferson and Theodore Roosevelt certainly. But there has only been one great vice president. Thomas Riley Marshall served two happy terms under Woodrow Wilson, content to be, as he once wrote in a letter to his boss, `your only vice.' In contrast to the recent veeps with elaborate Secret Service retinues to convince people of their importance, Marshall was happy to play the homespun game. `In the city of Denver, while I was vice president,' he recalled, `a big, husky policeman kept following me around, until I asked him what he was doing. He said he was guarding my person. I said: "Your labor is in vain. Nobody was ever crazy enough to shoot at a vice president. If you go away and find somebody to shoot at me, I'll go down in history as being the first vice president who ever attracted enough attention even to have a crank shoot at him."'" -- Nicholas Von Hoffman ---- THE 1988 CAMPAIGN "Huh?" AWARD: "George Bush has the experience, and with me the future -- a future committed to our family, a future committed to the freedom." -- Sen. Dan Quayle ---- "Quayle hasn't had a press conference in nearly two weeks (not since the one in which, memorably, he had called the Holocaust `an obscene period in American history', and then, trying to explain that he meant this century's history, blurted out `I didn't live in this century.')..." -- Hendrik Hertzberg ---- "The question raised by the prospect of President Quayle is the same as the question raised by the prospect of President Bush and for that matter by the reality of President Reagan: How long can a great nation afford to have silly leaders?" -- Hendrik Hertzberg ---- "For the rest of your life you must run, Your day in the sun is done, You're a LIBERAL... Run, liberal, run! "Big government was your creed; But now you're the last of a dying breed. So, run liberal run, Run run run run run run, Run run run RUN, Run run run run; Run run..." -- Saturday Night Live ---- "You know how they test condoms now? They pull 'em down over Howie Mandel's head." -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update ---- "Those whales trapped beneath the ice in Alaska were finally freed this week when actress Shelly Winters dove into the icy waters, swam to the pair and led them to safety." -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update ---- "In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to." -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update ---- "When you put all this into The Big Picture, you point the blame at New Hampshire. They pick both candidates; every election, they get first choice. I know, we trust them because they seem solid: The Granite State. Well, it's more like The Small Mammals By The Side Of The Road State. There they are, passing themselves off as some kind of Norman Rockwell/American archetypes; `Live Free or Die', that's their motto -- it's on all their license plates. But when you think that these license plates are made by people in prison... well, it makes you wonder what it really means. [...] "Well, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's perfectly safe to hand over the destiny of our nation to a pack of maple syrup-swilling squirrel worshipers..." -- A. Whitney Brown ---- "Ignorance is not bliss -- it's oblivion." -- Phillip Wylie ---- "He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts." -- Samuel Johnson ---- "I started at the top and worked my way down." -- Orson Welles ---- "I can't stand this proliferation of paperwork. It's useless to fight the forms, you've got to kill the people producing them." -- Vladimir Kabaidze, General Director of the Ivanovo Machine Building Works ---- "Three men against twenty? Impossible. Now, if only we had a wheelbarrow..." [From THE PRINCESS BRIDE] ---- "Don't rush a miracle man. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles." [From THE PRINCESS BRIDE] ---- "Batman didn't write any plays." "Yeah, but Shakespeare didn't beat up any crooks." [Overheard at a sci-fi convention by Jerry Boyajian] ---- "I know human names well enough. After all, you are who you eat." [Ed the Shark (one of my favorite characters) from Diane Duane's DEEP WIZARDRY (one of my favorite books)] ---- "You warm-bloods are all such great believers. But there's no greater pragmatist than a shark." [Damn straight. From DEEP WIZARDRY.] ---- "Do you expect me to talk?" "No, Mister Bond; I expect you to die." [That famous line from GOLDFINGER] ---- "You must accept the truth from whatever source it comes." -- Maimonides ---- "Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher." -- Flannery O'Connor ---- "The longest distance is between head and heart." -- Thomas Merton ---- "You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty." -- Sacha Guitry ---- "We grow tyrannical fighting tyranny." -- E.B. White ---- "Quiet, Ringo, Elvis is talking." [From a sketch on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE] ---- "The first time I saw the infamous `Morton Downey Junior' show I was innocently flipping through the channels and came across this man looming over a woman in a chair, point a cigarette in her face, and screaming, `You're a WHORE! You're a PROSTITUTE!' Wondering what this poor woman had done to unleash such metaphorical fury, I kept watching and it turned out she really was a prostitute. That was the whole story. They'd found a prostitute to put on TV in order to denounce her as a prostitute. Something to tell the grandchildren." -- TRB in THE NEW REPUBLIC ---- "You kids shouldn't see this, though -- your parents would think it's too adult for you. So I'll leave this copy here with you when I split to go start a war or something, okay?" "Yer a pal, Mr. Post." [Ron Post, mass murder and guitar player, talks about censorship, in one of Matt Howarth's many independently-financed comix] ---- "Filthy bag of Lovecraftian poison -- nobody fucks with Monsieur Boche!" [Monsieur Boche, a Hunter S. Thompson clone with brains, balls and the ability to traverse dimensions, in a Matt Howarth comic] ---- "The discovery of God in a hole in the polar ice cap by a pair of punk rockers does not disturb your governments' conscience in the least." [Another wonderful Howarth line] ---- "I submit for your approval: Monsieur Boche -- A man with a reputation." [From Matt Howarth's WRAB: PIRATE TELEVISION, which you should buy immediately] ---- WRAB Programming: "THE CHURCH OF GODZILLA (1/2 hr -- religion) Instruction in the eager belief of getting one's way all the time. John Madden as Godzilla. (Emph: narrow-mindedness)." [From Matt Howarth's WRAB: PIRATE TELEVISION, which you should buy immediately] ---- WRAB Programming: "KEY GRIP (1 hr -- Drama) Part three of Patrick McGoohan's `John Drake' Trilogy. Series security prohibits any information release prior to broadcast. (Emph: the struggle for individualism)." [From Matt Howarth's WRAB: PIRATE TELEVISION, which you should buy immediately] ---- "Nobody likes a smart ass vampire." "Pity there's never enough blood in a midget." [Bon mots from Dracula, in DINOSAURS FOR HIRE] ---- "`If you want to touch something *basic* in your audience,' says the full-page ad in the 1988 edition of the DIRECTORY OF EXPERTS, AUTHORITIES AND SPOKESPERSONS (also known as the `Talk Show Guest Directory'), `...move them to *action*: phone, write, praise, damn, cheer, etc..... Then you need to present -- REAL LIVE COMMUNISTS ON YOUR SHOW!'" -- TRB in THE NEW REPUBLIC ---- "`Never turn down a chance to have sex or go on television,' Gore Vidal is supposed to have said. At the rate things are going, people will soon be advertising to do both at the same time." -- TRB in THE NEW REPUBLIC ---- "Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." -- Sue Murphy ---- "I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song." -- Fred Reuss ---- "A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket. `You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, `I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.'" -- Jake Johansen ---- "I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell `Whooa, I'm way too high.'" -- Bruce Baum ---- "How about those Dodge Turbo Wagons?! What's the deal on those anyway? You can sleep in the back while you're waiting for a tow truck." -- Steve Kravitz ---- "This Thanksgiving is gonna be a special one. My mom says I don't have to sit at the card table." -- Jim Samuels ---- "Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph." -- Jim Samuels ---- "In Los Angeles, McDonalds quickly reacted to the highway shootings. They came out with 'Happy To Be Alive Meals.'" -- Al Clethen ---- "If I'm typecast as a genius, who cares?" -- Jeremy Brett, on playing Sherlock Holmes ---- "I'd get out of here now if I were you. It's not safe here." "Trust me -- it's not safe out there either." "Oh hell, I forgot that." [From the TV series WAR OF THE WORLDS] ---- "Are you SURE that Moriarty isn't planning to kill me?" "Of course not... he *knows* you're an idiot." "Thank God!" ["Holmes" and Watson discuss Yours Truly in WITHOUT A CLUE] ---- "I do not take drugs. I am drugs." -- Salvador Dali ---- From DOUBLE DARE: "What is the name of the hero Billy Batson transforms into when he says his magic word, 'Shazam'?" "Gomer Pyle." ---- "Imitation is the sincerest form of Television." -- Mighty Mouse ---- "I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God." -- George Bush, 1988 ---- "Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy." -- F. Scott Fitzgerald "Show me a hero and I will write you a travesty." -- John Byrne [well, he *should* have] "Show me a hero and I'll eat it." -- Peter David ---- "Dear Emily --- BINGO!!" [From STRAY TOASTERS] ---- "Guess what I'm in for." "Uhh..." "Wait! I'll give you a hint..." [From HEARTBREAK COMICS] ---- "Justice and solidarity feel good. In the end." [A comment on the price of liberty. From AARGH!] ---- "I happen to be a baseball fan; I root against both teams." -- Studs Terkel ---- "If people behaved in the way nations do they would all be put in straitjackets." -- Tennessee Williams ---- "The young man who has not wept is a savage, and the old man who will not laugh is a fool." -- George Santayana ---- "Don't fight forces; use them." -- R. Buckminster Fuller ---- "Could ye use a little water in your whiskey?" "When ay drink whiskey, ay drink whiskey, an' when ay drink water, ay drink water." [Maureen O'Sullivan and Barry Fitzgerald in THE QUIET MAN, begorra.] ---- [A photo is displayed of Senator Dan Quayle holding a pumpkin to the left of his head.] "Here's an Update Quiz: what's the difference between these two spherical objects? The answer is: eventually, the one on the left will have a light in it." -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update ---- MONDO VIDEO with Prof. Fred Hopkins: "PROMISED LAND (Vestron). Kiefer Sutherland, Meg Ryan, and Tracy Pollan. And they all look alike. And they're all made of ticky-tacky." ---- MONDO VIDEO with Prof. Fred Hopkins: "STARRING TOM AND JERRY! (MGM/UA). The cartoon adventures of a hyper-active cat and an anally retentive mouse. For some reason, Simon and Garfunkle originally recorded under this name!" ---- "Oh, what's the sound of the world out there?..." "What, Mr. Todd, what, Mr. Todd, What is that sound?" "Those crunching noises Pervading the air!" "Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd, yes, all around!" "It's man devouring man, my dear," "...and who are we to deny it IN HERE?!" -- Stephen Sondheim, SWEENY TODD ---- "The history of the world, my love..." "Save a lot of graves, do a lot of relatives favors..." "Is those below serving those up above!" "Everybody shaves so there should plenty of flavors!" "How gratifying for once to know," "That those above will serve those DOWN BELOW!" -- Stephen Sondheim, SWEENY TODD ---- "The history of the world, my sweet..." "Oh, Mr. Todd, ooh, Mr. Todd, what does it tell?" "...is who gets eaten and who gets to eat!" "And, Mr. Todd, too, Mr. Todd, who gets to sell!" "But fortunately it's all so clear," "THAT EVERYBODY GOES DOWN WELL WITH BEER!" -- Stephen Sondheim, SWEENY TODD ---- "It's not enough knowing good from rotten..." "You're telling me." "When something new pops up every day." "You're telling me!" "It's only new, though, for now..." "Nouveau!" "But yesterday's forgotten..." "...and tomorrow is already passe!" "There's no surprise." "That is the state of the art, my friend! That is the state of the art!" -- Stephen Sondheim, SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE ---- "Ladies and gentlemen, the question you have to ask yourselves on November 8th is whose judgement do you trust? Do you trust the judgement of a man who traded arms to the Ayatollah and used that money to fund an illegal war in Central America, or do you trust a son of Greek immigrants, who can think and talk in complete sentences?" [From the Bush-Dukakis debate satire on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE] ---- "You know, I'm beginning to think that the Right To Life movement in this country believes that life officially begins when you agree with *them*." -- Dennis Miller ---- "The NBC Today Show and Olympic host Bryan Gumbel's ego applied for statehood today. If granted, it would become our 51st state, and 9th largest." -- Dennis Miller ---- "And the fifth-highest grossing film in America this week is YOUNG GUNS, the new film where everybody in it is Martin Sheen's son, but nobody has the same last name." -- Dennis Miller ---- "Gov. Dukakis, rebuttal?" "I can't believe I'm losing to this guy." [From the Bush-Dukakis debate satire on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE] ---- NATIONAL ENQUIRER headline: "Reagan sees UFO and orders his pilot: Follow it!" ---- "None of this is bad for America, is it?" [COCOON] ---- "Sorry, I don't perform except at dinner." -- Stephen Sondheim, MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG ---- "I like trees because they seem more resigned to the way they have to live than other things do." -- Willa Cather ---- "All human wisdom is summed up in two words -- wait and hope." -- Alexandre Dumas the Elder ---- "No human being can really understand another, and no one can arrange another's happiness." -- Graham Greene ---- "Bowling?" "You know. Thats where a big black thing knocks down a lot of little white things." "That sounds like the A-Team to me." [Keith "Badger" Vallenti found this on a channel flip, from Don Adam's CHECK IT OUT] ---- "George Bush, you have just been elected president of the United States. What are you going to do now?" "I'm going to go to Disneyland!" [A parody of the Disneyland ads, off of rec.arts.tv] ---- "A brave man dies only once, while a coward dies only once also. It's just that the brave man gets it over with more quickly." -- C. E. Whitfield ---- "I recall my exact words: `There's a pile of dinosaur eggs over there, youngster,' I said, smiling paternally the while. `Get sucking.'" [Alan Moore, V FOR VENDETTA] ---- "That's what this country needs -- just a little more light cast in the right places." [From OUTLANDER] ---- "Just what the country needs -- more insurgent teams." [From OUTLANDER] ---- "I shall rend you LIMB from LIMB!" "Hey -- could someone give me a hand here? I'm about to be rended..." [The usual JLI nonsense] ---- "You're zooming up like a comet, Your ears are starting to ring; Your neighbor's starting to vomit, There's ice along the wing. As you wait for your palms to dry, You see your whole life flash by, And they tell you it's fun to fly! Your chance to survive is so remote You're far better off to cut your throat, But who has the time to take the boat? What do we do? We fly! -- Stephen Sondheim, DO I HEAR A WALTZ? ---- "The shiny stuff is tomatoes, The salad lies in a group; The curly stuff is potatoes, The stuff that moves is soup. Anything that is white is sweet, Anything that is brown is meat, Anything that is grey... don't eat. But what do we do? We fly!" -- Stephen Sondheim, DO I HEAR A WALTZ? ---- "The seat was throwing my back out, But there I was with a book; When suddenly there's a black-out And everywhere I look There's a close-up of DORIS DAY! Ninety minutes of DORIS DAY! There was nothing to do but pray... And what do we do? We fly!" -- Stephen Sondheim, DO I HEAR A WALTZ? ---- "What's hard is simple, What's natural, comes hard. Maybe you could show me, How to let go, Lower my guard, Learn to be....free. Maybe if you whistle... Whistle for me." -- Stephen Sondheim, ANYONE CAN WHISTLE ---- "It's not so hard to be married, When two maneuver as one; It's not so hard to be married, And, Jesus Christ, is it fun." -- Stephen Sondheim, COMPANY ---- "Best trust the happy moments... The days that make us happy make us wise." -- John Masefield ---- "The great man is he who does not lose his child's heart." -- Mencius ---- "When our first parents were driven out of Paradise, Adam is believed to have remarked to Eve: `My dear, we live in an age of transition.'" -- Dean William R. Inge ---- Bankers' Hours: That part of the day when it is too hot to play golf. [Fortunes program] ---- "I'm not against women. Not often enough, anyway." [Groucho Marx?] ---- "They used Raoul Mitgong, but he didn't help much..." --Harlan Ellison ---- "Only the toes knows." -- Mel Profitt ---- Regarding Robin, the Boy Wonder: "I mean the kid lives with a millionaire, apparently only goes to school on alternate Wednesdays, gets to stay up all night, and beats up adults regularly. Who could ask for more?" -- Fred Bals ---- "Now, for use with your child's 'My Little Pony' playset, the 'My Little Pet Food Processing Plant!' -- from Real World Toys, caring about your child's future." [Saw this on the net, and I'm not sure who originated it] ---- "This is a revolution, damn it! We're going to have to offend SOMEbody!" -- John Adams, 1776 ---- "[He's] dead. Murdered! And someone's responsible!" [PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE] ---- "I have the heart of a little boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk." --Robert Bloch ---- "Take this cross and garlic -- here's a Mezuza in case he's Jewish -- a page of the Koran if he's Muslim... and if he's a Zen Buddhist, you're on your own." [Im-ple-ments of destruction for undead (vampires, that is) in BADGER] ---- "He's a bloodsucker, all right, but not the kind we're looking for. This man is an I.R.S. agent." [The Badger, Ham and a Van Helsing pig stalk vampires in BADGER] ---- "Yes, sir, just Top-Forty Beatle CLASSICS! [What ah woosie.]" [From HONKEYTONK SUE] ---- "...and Doc Holliday ends up in the front row of a Led Zeppelin concert..." "So THIS is Hell." [From HONKEYTONK SUE] ---- "Gud, marry me, or I'll kick yer ass." -- Honkeytonk Sue ---- "I hereby sentence you to live in Blythe, California in a house with an airpad cooler, until you are dead, or wish you were." [From HONKEYTONK SUE] ---- "It was all very impressive, but the State of Arizona built an air-tight case..." "This woman does not own ONE Willie Nelson tape... OR album. NOT ONE!" [From HONKEYTONK SUE] ---- "Bondage... what's bondage?" "He's from Flagstaff." "Oh." [Bruce Babbit poses a question in HONKEYTONK SUE] ---- "In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted." -- Bertrand Russell ---- "The bigger the information media, the less courage and freedom they allow. Bigness means weakness." -- Eric Sevareid ---- "It has always been true that in the United States the people who ought to read books write them." -- Gore Vidal [Editor's note: Now if Vidal would only take his own advice...] ---- "Sure, you're right, it's easy to find flaws. `Sure,' America says to the critic, `it's easy to tear down, but you can't build up, can you? The suffering and labor of the artist mean nothing to you, do they Mr. Ian Shoales? You don't believe in anything,' America screams, `except the sound of your own voice!' Well, calm down, America. Lighten up. Unclench those hardworking fists." -- Ian Shoales ---- "I admit it freely -- I'm not a positive thinker. On STAR TREK, the beautiful alien with the green hair and the taut belly would always say to Captain Kirk, `Oh one called Jim, what is this thing you call a kiss?' If that alien were here today (and in my Perfect World, believe me, she would be), she would gaze at me lovingly and say, `Oh one called Ian, what is this thing you call a sneer?' That's the kind of guy I am. Captain Kirk and I both want the same thing: the whole-hearted devotion of a naive alien. And if certain things stand in our way -- Klingons for Kirk, reality for me -- well, we just have to suck in our guts, set the phasers on Stun, and hope for the best." -- Merle Kessler, IAN SHOALES' PERFECT WORLD ---- "And cruelist of all, I've learned that the bucks in this criticism thing just aren't what they should be. I figure if I'm not gonna make any jack in my chosen profession, the least I can do is vent my spleen. My motto is VENT FOR THOSE WHO CAN'T." -- Ian Shoales ---- "As the roadies say before the concert, `Let's carve this turkey.'" -- Ian Shoales ---- "I am an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way." -- Carl Sandburg ---- "There is nothing stronger in this world than gentleness." -- Han Suyin ---- "I braved the contempt of my friends last week and ventured out to see _Bambi_, the Disney rerelease that is proving to be a hit once again in the box office. I was looking forward to a gentle, soothing, late afternoon relief from the Washington Summer. Instead I was traumatized. As a psycho-sexual return to the horrors of early adolescence, it couldn't be more effective. For the first half-hour, you're lulled into an agreeable sense of security and comfort. Birds twitter; small rabbits turn out to be great conversationalists. Pop is what Senator Moynihan would describe as an absent father, but Mom's there to make you feel OK in the odd thunderstorm. You make great friends, fool around on the ice, discover the meadow, generally mellow out. Then, without any particular warning, your mom gets shot, your voice breaks, huge growths start appearing on your head, and your peers start heading off into the clover with the apparent intention of having sex. Next thing you know, the forest burns down. If I were still eight, I think I'd prefer _Rambo III_." -- Townsend Davis ---- "You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates." -- Erma Bombeck ---- "Great perils have this beauty, that they bring to light the fraternity of strangers." -- Victor Hugo ---- "A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong." -- Thomas Szasz ---- "You McPike?" "Most of my life. In 3rd grade I was Batman, but that seems to have passed." [One of Frank McPike's best droll comments, from WISEGUY] ---- "Roger Rabbit's wife! My goodness! Such... AMPLE... drawing!" [Jarvis, the butler for the Mighty AVENGERS, comments on a popular movie] ---- "Lord Hermes, is it true you can conjure up *anything*?" "Yes." "Awesome! Do y'know what a video entertainment center is?" [Yes, having an Olympian God around the house is handy. WONDER WOMAN] ---- "B-r-r-other! What good is having a god around if you can't get any FUN out of it?" [From George Perez's WONDER WOMAN] ---- "The sound of harps... of organs... of cascading violins." "What about Def Lepard? They got Def Lepard?" [Heaven described to a generation of vidiots. From THE SHADOW] ---- "It suddenly occurs to me, Hong, that if THESE are American tourists, I would certainly hate to engage their military..." [OK, when was the last time YOU invaded China? From THE SHADOW] ---- "You do not know?! Have you never heard the tales of the man from the East -- A frightful creature of the night -- with the POWER to cloud the minds of men... and the FURY to obliterate Evil with a single sweep of his terrible hand?!" "Frankly, Hong... no." "Nor I." "Perhaps if you were more specific..." [Brilliant hyperbole from THE SHADOW] ---- "That's the trouble with `mindless slaves'... they're, well, *mindless*!" [Dr. Quest points out those little problems with world domination. JONNY QUEST] ---- "Seems like, lately, everybody with four guys and a proton accelerator thinks they can rule the world. No offense." [A lucid point from Race Bannon in JONNY QUEST] ---- "No more ice cream ever, ever, ever again." [Hallucinations and chocolate chip -- or is it real? THE MYSTERY MAN] ---- "[The Republicans'] platform was 30,000 words long, 3,000 of which was the word 'God'." [Mark Russell] ---- [Sung to the tune of The Flintstones Theme] "Team-sters, we're the Team-sters, We're just one happy family! Gambino and Celerno... Make that two happy families! 'Nolo contendre', that's our Teamsters song! Cops and Robbers -- we play it all day long! Teamsters, love the Teamsters! Support us if you please, Or else we'll break your knees, Have you hugged a Teamster today?" -- Mark Russell ---- "The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and to see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and to clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters." -- Ghengis Kahn, civic leader and Bud man ---- "All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every living organism to live beyond its income." -- Samuel Butler ---- "It is not uncommon in a Republican convention hall for delegates to gather in menacing clumps around the press gallery, shaking their fists and shouting imprecations. (When this happened in Dallas in 1984, some of us fantasized about picking up our friend Ben Wattenberg bodily and tossing him over the side into the angry crowd with a cry of "Get 'im! He's a Democrat!" Wattenberg would've had only a split second to convince the enraged delegates that while he may look like a Democrat, he actually supports the Contras, the Reagan Doctrine, Star Wars, etc. But Wattenberg is such a nice guy that we didn't have the heart.)" -- Hendrik Hertzberg ---- "Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very strict. They didn't want us to grow up to be spoiled and rich. If we left our tennis racquets in the rain, we were punished." -- Nancy Ellis, George Bush's sister ---- "A duel to the death!" "Dr. Science!" "Okay, until we get tired and grumpy." [From the DR. SCIENCE TV show] ---- "If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security." -- Gail Sheehy ---- "We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?" -- Jean Cocteau ---- "I don't make jokes -- I just watch the government and report the facts." -- Will Rogers ---- "We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another." -- Jonathan Swift ---- "It's odd that you can get so anesthetized to your own pain or your own problem that you don't quite fully share the hell of someone close to you." -- Lady Bird Johnson ---- "Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery." -- Jack Paar ---- "The healthy, the strong individual, is the one who asks for help when he needs it, whether he's got an abscess on his knee or his soul." -- Rona Barrett ---- "[Michael Dukakis is] a card-carrying member of the A.C.L.U., a group [which is] pretty far out in left field [and does not reflect] Texas values." -- George Bush ---- "Strange, when you think of it, that of all the countless folks who have lived before our time on this planet not one is known in history or legend as having died of laughter." -- Sir Max Beerbohm ---- "A certain person may have, as you say, a wonderful presence: I do not know. What I do know is that he has a perfectly delightful absence." -- Idries Shah ---- "When the writer becomes the center of his attention, he becomes a nudnik. And a nudnik who believes he's profound is even worse than just a plain nudnik." -- Isaac Bashevis Singer ---- "There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life." -- Thomas Henry Huxley ---- "MS-DOS isn't dead, it just smells that way." -- Henry Spencer ---- "Today I'm not a doctor, but you can call me one. Some folks call it 'science', but I just call it fun. Upon my every statement you can have complete reliance; I know more than *you* do -- Call me Dr. Science!" [The last lines to the Dr. Science theme] ---- "You will curse the day you did not do All that the Phantom asked of you!" [I think -- I think -- this is from THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (the musical)] ---- "I say we blow the crap out of it and torch the joint." "Don't be bloody DAFT. This is a Terror Elemental -- not a rival biker gang." [John Constantine and friend in HELLBLAZER] ---- "DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD, YOU DAMN FISH!!" [Aquaman] ---- "I must admit, I *like* five-to-one odds." [the JLA] ---- "HAIR-PULLING?! You're actually indulging in HAIR-PULLING?! What kind of a Green Lantern are you, anyway?" "The kind that eats punks like you for *breakfast*!" [Guy Gardner in JLI] ---- "Always keep your bowler on in times of stress. And watch out for diabolical masterminds." [Emma Peel's parting comment to John Steed on THE AVENGERS] ---- "A statesman is a politician who's been dead 10 or 15 years." -- Harry Truman ---- "I'm not a pushover, believe me. I laugh at HAMLET." -- Billy Wilder ---- "Sherlock Holmes was a drug addict without a single amiable trait." -- George Bernard Shaw "You're not exactly Little Mary Sunshine yourself, Bernie." -- Moi ---- "Ain't that just like a tin-pot dictator! Calling in the faceless hordes when things get rough! Faceless horde is my middle name!" [The Badger, in NEXUS] ---- "Honest Crocus worships at the font of free enterprise." [NEXUS] ---- "So... I can save the solar system. But not a friend. This job isn't worth a tinker's damn." [NEXUS] ---- "I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just..." -- Thomas Jefferson ---- "The gorilla had an 800-word "vocabulary." Apparently a new record in the animal intelligence racket. I wasn't impressed. I had a nephew into Motley Crue that could speak 850 easy." [THE AMERICAN] ---- Unemployed? Hungry? Eat a foreign car. [Seen on a bumper sticker] ---- "Say, Ralph, what do you think of those Cardinals?" "I think they're terrific, Jim. I love the way they use black smoke to signal that they haven't picked a Pope and..." "No, Ralph, no." [Ralph Dinby, THE ELONGONATED MAN] ---- "What do I care for the C.I.A. Director's tawdry affairs? I'm on the trail of Satan himself!" [A Mike Baron DEADMAN story] ---- "The stupid are deaf to the truth; they hear, but think that the wisdom applies to someone else." -- Heraclitus ---- "Do you know back at the turn of the century how long it took to cross Manhattan on horse? What the average speed was? Seven miles an hour. You what it is today? Exactly the same, seven miles an hour." -- John Denver ---- "Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length." -- Robert Frost ---- "Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life." -- Lord Byron ---- "An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself." -- Albert Camus ---- "Look! Sunglasses! EXACTLY like the ones worn by the American Don Johnson!" [Several Chinese Army guards find evidence in THE SHADOW] ---- "I-I-I didn't know they were carnivorous!" "Or expert shots!" [DINOSAURS FOR HIRE] ---- "Permit me to introduce myself. My name's Dracula, Lord of the Undead. God, I do love the way that sounds." [DINOSAURS FOR HIRE] ---- "Besides, my teeth aren't what they used to be. I have some weird degenerate gum disease. It turns out even the Undead have to floss." [Dracula discusses problems of the modern vamipire in DINOSAURS FOR HIRE] ---- "Not bad. Were you aiming for the Ferarri?" "Yeah, but I thought it would have made a bigger dent." [A large tyrannosaurus and Dracula discuss trajectories in DINOSAURS FOR HIRE] ---- "You forgot to read your fortune cookie... It says... you're shit out of luck." [Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry in THE DEAD POOL] ---- "The following program contains language which may be offensive enough to knock a buzzard off a shitwagon." [A cartoon I saw] ---- "Do they still keep track of me at the Agency?" "We heard you married some old Nazi." "He was NOT a Nazi -- he was Austrian." "So was Hitler." "Yes, but *he* had no sense of humor." [A wonderful exchange between Glenda Jackson and Walter Matthau in HOPSCOTCH, a film well worth searching out] ---- "It's public knowledge that you dislike small animals and children, Luthor." [Superman IV -- don't see it!] ---- "I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room." -- Blaise Pascal ---- "If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for in the morning, sleep late." -- Henny Youngman ---- "After decades of "Masterpiece Theater" decline, deferent workers cheering dim royals, and legions of garden fetishists whose idea of fun was a gentle discussion of acidity levels in the topsoil, the class system is finally getting shaken up. There are happier consequences of this than violence, of course, but the hooligan revival is at least a reminder that there's now no shortage of Britons successful enough to deserve beating up and plenty of others self-confident enough to do it." -- Andrew Sullivan ---- "Spock, maybe your reknowned Vulcan logic can get Jim to rest. God know he never listens to me." "Do not take it personally, Dr. McCoy. *None* of us listens to you." [A classic exchange between Spock and McCoy in the STAR TREK comic] ---- "Oh, come ON! A one-man religion?" "There is no other kind." [From THE QUESTION] ---- "Okay, Sister, I never hurt a nun before..." "Undt you won't hurt one now, you little turd." [A street punk addressing a transexual, former Nazi nun nicknamed "Sister Twyster." From THE BADGER] ---- "Are you Catholic?" "Episcopalian, and not very." "Ja, ja. Agnoztic." [From THE BADGER] ---- "I'll keep 'em off your Holy Ass as long as you're in Wisconsin." [From THE BADGER] ---- "Vhat are you doing?" "I was preparing to divine trends in business software through the ritual sacrifice of AT&T's Consumer Memory Banks. Will you assist me?" "Wiss pleasure!" "It's more humane than animal sacrifices and infinitely more rewarding!" [From THE BADGER] ---- "Strangers may laugh at him behind his back, but still he saves their lives!" [That could only describe... THE FLAMING CARROT!] ---- "You should always read the instructions first, Uncle Billy!" [FLAMING CARROT offers some good advice to Uncle Billy re: his mail-order jungle bride] ---- "Senators, TV crews and the nation in general are mystified when, on the third day, Flaming Carrot shows a Star Trek blooper reel on behalf of the defense..." [FLAMING CARROT at the Senate Hearings] ---- "Meanwhile... the Carrot is using his keen but unorthodox crimefighting techniques..." "Are you a gangster?" [FLAMING CARROT] ---- "I loved you... loved you as much as any American used car dealer could..." [Uncle Billy laments in FLAMING CARROT COMICS] ---- "The summit meeting has also allowed a warm personal relationship to blossom between the two world leaders. This warmth was evident right from their first joint press conference, where Gorbachev offered, as a gesture of his friendship toward Reagan, to have Sam Donaldson shot." --Dave Barry ---- "Dave Sim appears in dark glasses and talks like he's been up for three days doing God knows what, which is kind of how you like to think of Dave Sim." -- Rob Rodi ---- "I didn't resolve the questions... and I find that entertaining. And if my life were to end tomorrow, it would be fulfilled in that manner. I would say, 'The questions have been terrific.'" -- Jack Kirby on his work ---- "I don't often make a mistake, but when I do, it's a beaut." -- Fiorello La Guardia ---- "I'm through with takin' falls And bouncing off the walls; Without that gun I'd have some fun And kick you in the..." "NOSE!" "Nose? Dat don't rhyme wit 'walls'!" "No, but THIS does!" >*KRUNCH!*< [Eddie Valiant in ROGER RABBIT] ---- "As a last resort, we can always sic Les Nesman on them." "My God... that could signal the end of organized religion as we know it." [WKRP IN CINCINATTI] ---- "Whenever I'm faced with a difficult situation, I like to ask myself what my idol, Edward R. Murrow, would think; and I think Ed would call this censorship. "But I also ask myself what my other hero, General George Patton, would think; and I think George would believe this country needs to be cleaned up. Why, if George were alive today, he'd take two armored tank divisions into Hollywood and knock those liberal pinheads into the ocean! "So, as you can see, I'm a very confused man. And when I'm confused, there's only one thing that makes me feel better: I watch TV." -- Les Nesman [WKRP IN CINCINATTI] ---- "Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money." -- Moliere ---- "I don't mind you *thinking* I'm stupid, but don't *talk* to me like I'm stupid." -- Harlan Ellison ---- "There, but for the grace of God, goes God." -- Herman Mankiewicz on Orson Welles ---- "What do you know about show business, Mr. Valiant?" "Only that there's no business like it... no business I know." [Eddie Valiant in WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?] ---- "A Toon killed his brother... dropped a piano on his head." [WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?] ---- "A ladies man, eh?" "The problem is, I gotta fifty-year-old lust and a three-year-old dinky." [WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?] ---- "I'm not bad... I'm just drawn that way." [WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?] ---- "Haven't seen you for nigh onto three years. Where you been, Eddie?" "Drunk. Feeling frisky tonight, boys?" [WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?] ---- "A good many things go around in the dark besides Santa Claus." -- Hoover ---- "Gee, this is pretty good for slop!" [Gourmet advice from JONNY QUEST] ---- "...and so -- for weeks after -- you won't be able to swing a dead CAT in Jerusalem without hitting someone descended from the house of David... anointed by a close relative... riding into town on a donkey." [The tantalizing tail end of the Judge's soliloquy from CEREBUS] ---- "If you don't find him, they'll shoot him down like a dog!" "Well, he *is* a dog." [A cute little gypsy girl pleads with THE BADGER over Spuds McKen... err, Buddy McBride] ---- "I see more than you do, child. I see an end to Hell. What do YOU see?" "I see someone in a lot of pain." [Dekko and Jenny from ZOT!] ---- "I give up then. If Mozart can't justify our continued existence, nothing can." [Max, a man in love with the minutae and beauty of life, from ZOT!] ---- "Did you learn that from captains' school, too?" "No. Rodgers and Hammerstein." [Uhura and Kirk from the STAR TREK comic.] ---- "Wow! You're up and around already? I'm impressed." "Oh, great. Now they'll be no living with him." [End of a great punch line with Kirk getting out of bed and McCoy's acid comments] ---- "You and Ronald McDonald are the two most popular clowns in this country right now." [Nick Fury's comments on Clay Quarterman's Ollie North-like popularity. From THE INCREDIBLE HULK.] ---- "But only the wind picked him up, and blew him away into the Arizona skies. And, I hope, to a better place. "Rio, maybe." "MR. JONES!" "Well, I didn't want to sound too maudlin." [Rick Jones from the same issue of THE HULK] ---- "In the afterlife, everyone's good-looking." -- Laurie Thompson ---- "You realize that if they catch us they will beat us, torture us, and kill us?" "So, you are suggesting we go home?" "No, this is more fun." [The two brownies from WILLOW] ---- "What will we do when they come?" "See if we can sell Mom and Dad into slavery for a star cruiser." [CALVIN AND HOBBES] ---- "I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal." [CALVIN AND HOBBES] ---- "I kind of like it. Interesting percussion section." "Those are cannons." "And they perform this in crowded concert halls? Gee, I thought classical music was boring!" [CALVIN AND HOBBES] ---- "I've got *plenty* of common sense! I just choose to ignore it." [CALVIN AND HOBBES] ---- "Why would she want another kid?? She's already got ME!" "Yes, you'd think she'd have learned her lesson by now..." [CALVIN AND HOBBES] ---- "Either he's playing classical music at 78 RPM, or I'm still dreaming." [CALVIN AND HOBBES] ----