Subject: 1993 Moriarty Quote List [Corrected 1992 List, Part 4 of 11]
Message-ID: <1993May10.035215.21830@tc.fluke.COM>
Keywords: Acres O' Quotes
Organization: The Institute for Criminal Science, Gizmonics Control
References: <1993May10.032105.21262@tc.fluke.COM> <1993May10.035118.21770@tc.fluke.COM>
Date: Mon, 10 May 1993 03:52:15 GMT
Lines: 1847
"Drugs are the product of Satan. Drug users need
to be saved by the Holy Power of Jesus Christ."
-- William Bennett
----
"God will forgive me; that's his business."
-- Heinrich Heine
----
"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead
horse."
-- Groucho Marx
----
"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad.
People are either charming or tedious."
-- Oscar Wilde
----
"The golden rule is that there are no golden
rules."
-- George Bernard Shaw
----
"We have not lost faith, but we have transferred it
from God to the medical profession."
-- George Bernard Shaw
----
"Freud is the father of psychoanalysis. It has no
mother."
-- Germaine Greer
----
"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."
-- Holbrook Jackson
----
"If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point
in writing."
-- Kingsley Amis
----
"Journalism justifies its own existence by the
great Darwinian principle of the survival of the
vulgarist."
-- Oscar Wilde
----
"I'm not one to believe in magic
Though my memory has a second-sight;
I'm not one to go pointing my finger
When I radiate more heat than light."
-- N. Peart
----
"There is no safe seat at the feast
Take your best stab at the beast
The night is turning thin
The saint is turning to sin."
-- N. Peart
----
"To the beautiful and the wise
The mirror always lies."
-- N. Peart
----
"Hee, hee! Fortunately,
they forgot to read me my
rights!"
"Psst! Sir! The guests
are nodding off!"
[Doonsebury]
----
"I'm very strong on loyalties."
-- George Steinbrenner
----
"For what were all these country patriots born? To
hunt, and vote, and raise the price of corn."
-- Lord Byron
----
"To strike freedom of the mind with the fist of
patriotism is an old and ugly subtlety."
-- Adlai Stevenson
----
"Q: What is the difference between `The Twilight
Zone' and `Silver Spoons'?
A: `The Twilight Zone' only *occasionally*
featured the adventures of hideous mutants."
-- Late Night with David Letterman
----
"Maggie."
"What?"
"He's wearing Old Spice."
[NORTHERN EXPOSURE]
----
Selections from YEAR'S WORST COUNTRY SONG TITLES:
* Love Will Beat Your Brains Out
* I Think I'll Drink Myself Into the Past
* I Got Tears in My Eyes From Lying on My Back
Crying on My Pillow Over You
* It Ain't Love but It Ain't Bad
* Would Jesus Wear A Rolex on His Television Show
* This Time I'm Gonna Beat You to the Truck
* She Gave Her Heart to Jethro and Her Body to the
Whole Danged World
* How Can a Whiskey Six Years Old Whip a Man That's 32?
* I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
* Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth (Because I'm
Kissing You Goodbye)
[Mark Harden, Scripps Howard News Service]
----
Seen on a T-shirt at the recent Bush/Gorbachev summit:
"Together at last! CIA-KGB: Now we're everywhere!"
-- The Economist
----
"Where's Amnesty International when it comes to
Joel Fleischman?"
[NORTHERN EXPOSURE]
----
"It's not a movie, it's a
documentary."
"Oh, yeah? I *like*
those! Animals kill
each other; that bald
guy sells insurance."
[NORTHERN EXPOSURE]
----
"This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs.
This is your brain on drugs, with bacon. (Free
Jetsons mug thrown in with each purchase.)"
[Some grafitti, altered towards the end by moi.]
----
"I chose and my world was shaken.
So what?
The choice may have been mistaken --
The choosing was not."
-- Stephen Sondheim, SUNDAY IN
THE PARK WITH GEORGE
----
"When in doubt, act like Myrna Loy."
-- Cynthia Heimel
----
"This is rigorous. Well, it's rigorous in the
sense that ... All right, it's not rigorous."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"FORTRAN... Then, as now, the language used by
scientists with real problems."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"It's a *real* integer, not just any old integer."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"I've never tried dividing both sides by infinity
before, so here goes."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"I shall explain this by waving my hands about in
an appropriate manner."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"I wrote my first program in 1954, and that didn't
work either."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"The object of this lecture is to frighten half of
you away."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"When you stick your fingers in the mains, its not
the imaginary component which you will feel."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"Of course this is true for more general values of 5."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"I, knave, am Sir O of K, Earl of Watercress, Sir
Osis of the Liver, Knight of the Garter, and Baron
of Westershistershustershestershiresure."
[Bugs Bunny, "Knight-mare Hare"]
----
"Here at Marvel, we don't hire writers."
-- Tom DeFalco
----
"It's only words . . . unless they're true."
-- David Mamet
----
"Communism is like one big phone company."
-- Lenny Bruce
----
"My pessimism extends to the point of even
suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists."
-- Jean Rostand
----
"A critic is a gong at a railroad crossing,
clanging loudly and vainly as the train goes by."
-- Christopher Morley
----
"Few things are harder to put up with than the
annoyance of a good example."
-- Mark Twain
----
"The English instinctively admire any man who has
no talent and is modest about it."
-- James Agate
----
"That all men should be brothers is the dream of
people who have no brothers."
-- Charles Chincholles
----
"Grub first, then ethics."
-- Bertolt Brecht
----
"I love children, especially when they cry, for
then someone takes them away."
-- Nancy Mitford
----
"The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the
glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the
appalling things that other people think about
us."
-- Quentin Crisp
----
"I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere."
-- Fran Lebowitz
----
"Hell is other people."
-- Jean-Paul Sartre
----
"Early to rise and early to bed
Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead."
-- James Thurber
----
"If you can't say anything good about a person, sit
right here by me."
-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
----
"Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once
the world becomes explicable."
-- H.L. Mencken
----
"Life is a zoo in a jungle."
-- Peter De Vries
----
"It's a man's world, and you men can have it."
-- Katherine Anne Porter
----
"The music at a wedding procession always reminds
me of the music of soldiers going into battle."
-- Heinrich Heine
----
"I like children. If they're properly cooked."
-- W.C. Fields
----
"Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little."
-- Gore Vidal
----
"I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised
all the time."
-- Nietzsche
----
"We all learn by experience, but some of us have to
go to summer school."
-- Peter De Vries
----
"People say that life is the thing, but I prefer
reading."
-- Logan Pearsall Smith
----
"For certain people after fifty, litigation takes
the place of sex."
-- Gore Vidal
----
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards
who haven't got the guts to bite people
themselves."
-- August Strindberg
----
"When I came back to Dublin I was court-martialed
in my absence and sentenced to death in my
absence, so I said they could shoot me in my
absence."
-- Brendan Behan
----
"CREATOR: A comedian whose audience is afraid to
laugh."
-- H.L. Mencken
----
"How I wish there were even a small cafe to sit in.
With men in tuxedos, and cappuccinos, and bad
expatriate jazz."
-- M. BUTTERFLY
----
"I have given up reading books; I find that it
takes my mind off myself."
-- Oscar Levant
----
Regarding the fuss being made over PINK FLAMINGOS
in Florida:
"All this does for me is make my lecture fee go up.
Thanks for the publicity on a 20-year-old film
people were starting to forget in the first
place."
-- John Waters
----
"This is a one line proof... if we start
sufficiently far to the left."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"This handout is not produced for your erudition
but merely so I can practice the TeX
word-processor."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"You could define the subspace topology this way,
if you were sufficiently malicious."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"Sex and drugs? They're nothing compared with a
good proof!"
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"This course will contain a lot of charm and beauty
but very little truth."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"Now we'll prove the theorem. In fact I'll prove
it all by myself."
[Cambridge University Math Dept.]
----
"in the dead of the night, a shimmering light
gleam of the blade, and the devil is paid
when the axe comes down, a chiwwing sound
blade hits the head, another wabbit's dead
i'm a rabbit swayer, a guitar pwayer
with a nasty habit... kill da wabbit!
kill da wabbit, kill da wabbit
hehehehehehehehe..."
-- "Ozzy Fudd, Rabbit Killer",
Marc McCullum
----
Dan Quayle is so dense, he absorbs neutrinos.
[?]
----
"Here's to God Almighty, the laziest man in town."
[Saw it on someone's signoff line -- ?]
----
"Real nice. Hey, by the way, what did God have for
breakfast this morning?"
-- Ron D. Harvey
----
"Sometimes you confuse me with Santa Claus
It's the big white beard, I suppose."
-- Elvis Costello, "God's Comic"
----
"Macavity's a Mystery Cat:
He's called the Hidden Paw --
For he's the master criminal
Who can defy the Law.
He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard,
The Flying Squad's despair:
For when they reach the scene of crime --
Macavity's not there!"
-- T. S. Eliot
----
"If you're going faster than 90 MPH and they chase
you -- make 'em *earn* it."
[Again, off the net]
----
"`Spock-O?'"
"We drove a flivver."
"I have no doubt."
[One of Spock's old aquaintances startles dear old Dad... DC's STAR TREK comic]
----
"Blowers, flivvers... a
colorful language."
"The surface has barely
been scratched."
[Colorful language discussed by Spock and his father; DC's STAR TREK comic]
----
"I believe in the the wisdom of the man who saved
my life. I believe that rules are excellent
guidelines, but that man must must be allowed to
interpret them, or he is not a man. My people are
not as advanced as yours, but the truth of my
words is plain. If you do not see it... then
perhaps you are not as advanced as you think you
are."
[A child king comments on the Prime Directive in STAR TREK, the comic]
----
"What do y'think?"
"We'll be accused of
playing dirty tricks --
again."
"Oh, I have nothing
against dirty tricks,
provided they are deeply
felt and really sincere."
[A VERY BRITISH COUP]
----
"I have no opinions, sir."
"You're a wise man,
Inspector; I have
opinions, and look what
happened."
[A VERY BRITISH COUP]
----
"We must be seen to be
friends... unity and
strength!"
"That's what it said on
my corn flakes package."
[A VERY BRITISH COUP]
----
"Plus a senior minister is
screwing a young lady
from Hampstead Labor
Party."
"I always assumed that
was more or less why
young ladies *joined*
the Hampstead Labor
Party."
[A VERY BRITISH COUP]
----
"Am I still Public Enemy
#1?"
"With Vlad the Impaler a
really bad second,
yeah."
[A VERY BRITISH COUP]
----
"Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first
send to Sheffield."
[A VERY BRITISH COUP]
----
"Besides, I've fallen madly in love with the dark
side of your nature."
[THE STUNT MAN]
----
"You constantly amaze me. You don't go to movies
-- what are you, a communist?"
[THE STUNT MAN]
----
"`Gooks'? That has a
nostalgic ring! You
really did call them
gooks? I thought that
was just TIME magazine."
"That's 'Nam. If I
called 'em wops,
nobody'd know what the
hell I was talkin'
about."
[THE STUNT MAN]
----
"I was runnin' for 26 months with guys shootin' --
AT my head, not over my head. I'm here; I'm
alive. I knew daredevils. An' I ain't got
nothin' against 'em, it's just that they're all
dead."
[THE STUNT MAN]
----
"If God could do the tricks that we can do, He'd be
a happy man..."
[THE STUNT MAN]
----
Michael Rooker on HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER,
in which he played the title role:
"This movie scares me... I like musicals."
----
"Some day, when you're President of the United
States, you'll be able to say `My father is a
tout.'"
[AFTER THE THIN MAN]
----
Selections from TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR DISNEYWORLD
ATTRACTIONS :
10. The Audio-Anamatronic Dan Quayle
8. Slug Rides
7. Mr. Toad's Gut-O-Rama
6. Pluto Gets Fixed
3. The Haunted Condo
2. Drug Runners of the Carribean
-- Daniel Pearl
----
That money talks,
I'll not deny,
I heard it once,
It said, "goodbye."
[From (of all places) Time magazine]
----
"Now poison's good, and daggers, and arrows in the back;
And if you're really desperate you can try a front attack.
But why commit a murder, and risk the fires of hell,
When black widows in the privy will do it just as well?"
-- Heather Rose Jones
----
Disclaimer: That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
[Saw it on the net]
----
"There are very few personal problems which cannot
be solved by a suitable application of high
explosives."
[UNCOMMON VALOR]
----
"Cup O' Atmosphere -- Just add Arnold."
-- Rob Ferguson
----
"MARQUIS: One of the few films I've seen where the
penis has all the best lines."
-- Rob Ferguson
----
"Commercials here have dancing cats, singing
raisins and a little man driving a boat in a
toilet. And then they tell you, `Don't use
drugs.'"
-- Yakov Smirnoff
----
"There are no good wars, with the following
exceptions... The American Revolution, World War
II, and the Star Wars Trilogy."
-- Bart Simpson
----
Selections from TOP TEN SOVIET DEMANDS OF LITHUANIA:
10. Must publicly claim that Yakov Smirnoff is
actually from Lithuania
9. Stop sending the tape of the trampling of
the USSR's flag to America's Funniest Home
Videos
8. Must stop holding annual "Lithium Mania"
festival
6. Television stations must stop playing "Funky
President" underneath Gorbachev's speeches
4. Get those damned Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles off their new flag
2. President Landsbergis must take part in the
"Barney Miller" TV reunion
-- Peter Dill
----
"Look -- it's a crime in
progress! Take that!
*POK* And that! *POK*
*POK* Ooh, I think I got
a couple of them."
"They're making a TV
show, you goof."
"Don't they know that
shows like that promote
violent behavior?"
[SAM & MAX, FREELANCE POLICE]
----
"When you run a picture of a nice, clean
all-American girl like this, get her tits above
the fold."
-- Al Neuharth, USA Today
publisher
----
"We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp
unless said person is deceased. My suggestion,
therefore, is that you drop dead."
-- Postmaster General James E.
Day
----
"You don't preach revolution on the streets of this
country without renting drawer space somewhere in
Washington."
[Frank McPike on WISEGUY]
----
"You're quite a girl,
Norma. I'll bet you get
all kinds of Romeos in
here, uh, begging for
favors. How do you keep
them from your door?"
"I usually tell them I
have a homicidally
jealous husband who's
doing 3 to 5 for
manslaughter, but he
expects to be a
productive member of
society real soon."
[TWIN PEAKS]
----
"I changed my mind, mommy.
I don't want to be a
ballerina when I grow up.
I want to be a lumberjack
instead."
"Wonderful! What changed
your mind?"
"I saw a really neat Monty
Python movie."
[I got this one from Gordon Davisson]
----
"Now would you PLEASE tell
me what on Earth
convinced you to paint
the Last Supper with
THREE Christs in it!?!?!"
"It works, mate!"
"It does NOT work!"
"Of course it does! The
fat one balances the two
skinny ones!"
[MONTY PYTHON LIVE AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL]
----
"Nadine, there's plenty of patent attorneys. We
just gonna have to keep on lookin' till we find
one that understands drape runners."
[TWIN PEAKS]
----
"Harry, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
Every day... once a day... give yourself a
present. Don't plan it; don't wait for it;
just... let it happen. Could be a new shirt at
the men's store, a cat-nap in your office, or...
two cups of good, hot, black coffee."
[TWIN PEAKS]
----
"Hand over all your money
in a paper bag!"
"Yes, yes, I know the
procedure for armed
robbery. I do work in a
convenience store you
know."
[The Krusty episode of THE SIMPSONS]
----
"I was sitting on the floor...and all the Beverly
Hills Police Department was looking at my
legs -- which, thank God, are good."
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
----
"And you're telling me that
Mel Profitt is the boss?"
"No Buckwheat, Mel
Profitt is God. Where
he walks the ground
shakes. Make him happy,
you get wealthy over
night. Cross him, the
ground opens up and
swallows you."
"That's where you come
in."
"We all have our place in
line."
[The essence of Roger Lacocco, from WISEGUY]
----
"They're players, Sugar. We are all players in the
Profitt school of high income and hard knocks. We
live fast, burn out early, and die young with nice
tans."
[Mel Profitt groupie, from WISEGUY]
----
"I sell peace and tranquility at reasonable rates
to deserving clientele."
[Roger, from WISEGUY]
----
"'Twas the night before Christmas and all through
the house, not a creature was stirring, except for
the 4 assholes coming around back in standard 2 by
2 formation."
[DIE HARD]
----
"Before Twin Peaks there was...... GREEN ACRES!"
[A CBS ad...]
----
"The documentary-makers know darned good and well
that the viewers aren't going to remain glued to
their seats to watch divers paddling around in
waters infested by, for example, clams, so they
stick with sharks. Generally, their procedure is
to scatter bleeding fish pieces around their boat,
so as to infest the waters. I would estimate that
the primary food source of sharks today is
bleeding fish pieces scattered by people making
documentaries. Once the sharks arrive, they are
generally fairly listless. The general shark
attitude seems to be: `Oh, God, another
documentary.' So the divers have to somehow goad
them into attacking, under the guise of Scientific
Research. `We know very little about the effect
of electricity on sharks,' the narrator will say,
in a deeply scientific voice. `That is why Todd
is going to jab this Great White in the testicles
with a cattle prod.' The divers keep this kind of
thing up until the shark finally gets irritated
and snaps at them, and then they act as though
this was a totally unexpected and very dangerous
development, although clearly it is what they
wanted all along."
-- Dave Barry
----
"If you don't want to own a gun, you can take up
karate, a form of martial arts in which people who
have had years and years of training can, using
only their hands and feet, make some of the worst
movies in the history of the world. They can also
break boards, which could be very useful if an
intruder enters your home and tries to hide behind
your spare lumber so the dog can't get at him."
-- Dave Barry
----
"First, let's talk about the word `football'. In
most nations, when people say `football', they
mean `soccer', which is a completely different
game in which smallish persons whiz about on a
field while the spectators beat each other up and
eventually overthrow the government. I don't know
why the other nations call soccer `football', but
I suspect it has something to do with the metric
system and I say the hell with it."
-- Dave Barry
----
"Never believe anything airline employees say about
when a plane will land or take off. No matter how
badly the schedule is screwed up, they will claim
everything is fine, because otherwise you might
realize it would be faster to walk to your
destination. Let's say you're waiting for Flight
206, which is an hour late, and you ask an agent
at the ticket counter when it's due in. He'll
punch a few buttons on his computer, which will
give him this message: `FLIGHT 206 HAS
CRASH-LANDED ON A REMOTE CORAL REEF IN THE SOUTH
PACIFIC AND ALL THE TIRES ARE FLAT AND THE ENGINES
ARE BROKEN AND THE PASSENGERS AND CREW ARE BEING
HELD AT GUNPOINT BY PALESTINIAN HIJACKERS ARMED
WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS AND THERE IS A VERY HEAVY
FOG.' The agent will look you cheerfully in the
eye and say: `It should be here any minute now.'"
-- Dave Barry
----
"The rest of us have to fly via commercial
airliner, which is less pleasant because federal
law requires commercial airliners to carry infants
trained to squall at altitudes above two hundred
feet. This keeps the passengers calm, because
they're all thinking, `I wish somebody would stuff
a towel into that infant's mouth,' which prevents
them from thinking, `I am thirty-five thousand
feet up in the air riding in an extremely
sophisticated and complex piece of machinery
controlled by a person with a Southern accent.'"
-- Dave Barry
----
"Wake up, America! There are no weather balloons!
Those are alien beings! They are all around us!
I'm sure most of you have seen the movie E.T.,
which is the story of an alien who almost dies
when he falls into the clutches of the American
medical-care establishment, but is saved by
preadolescent boys. Everybody believes that the
alien is a fake, a triumph of special effects. But
watch the movie closely next time. The alien is
real! The BOYS are fakes! REAL preadolescent
boys would have beaten the alien to death with
rocks."
-- Dave Barry
----
"I don't want to alarm anybody, but there is an
excellent chance that the Earth will be destroyed
in the next several days. Congress is thinking
about eliminating a federal program under which
scientists broadcast signals to alien beings.
This would be a large mistake. Alien beings have
atomic blaster death cannons. You cannot cut off
their federal programs as if they were merely poor
people."
-- Dave Barry
----
"Take joggers. You see them running along the
street, clearly hating every second of it, and you
say, `What's the point?' Ha. Years from now,
you'll struggle to adjust to the aches and pains
of growing older, whereas the joggers, who have
been in constant agony for fifteen or twenty
years, will be able to make the transition
smoothly, unless they've committed suicide."
-- Dave Barry
----
"If you can possibly manage it, you should avoid
being a young person or a wheat farmer when the
president starts feeling international tension."
-- Dave Barry
----
"Look closely at Central America, and try to
imagine what would happen if this vital region
were to fall into Communist hands. What would
happen is a lot of Communists would be stung
repeatedly by vicious tropical insects the size of
mature hamsters."
-- Dave Barry
----
"What cartoon rodent
created an uproar when he
was accused of being on
drugs?"
"Speedy Gonzalez?"
[REMOTE CONTROL]
----
"To sum up: your father, whom you love, dies, you
are his heir, you come back to find that hardly
was the corpse cold before his young brother
popped onto his throne and into his sheets,
thereby offending both legal and natural practice.
Now why exactly are you behaving in this
extraordinary manner?"
-- ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN
ARE DEAD
----
"Here is such patchery, such juggling and such knavery!
All the argument is a cuckold and a whore; a good quarrel
to draw emulous factions and bleed to death upon."
[TROILUS AND CRESSIDA, Shakespeare]
----
"World Domination t-shirts are available from the
BBC, World Domination Department, Cardiff."
[From the "Mr. Neutron" episode of MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS]
----
"Five to one baby, one in five,
No one here gets out alive"
-- The Doors
----
"Go ahead, ya fuckin' monster! KILL ME! Ms. N!
The New Superman! `The Will Made Manifest'!!
BULLSHIT! THIS is the REAL you, huh? Just
another asshole monster! Some avatar of the
future YOU are... Blood 'N' Guts -- same old shit!
You called *me* weak? *I'm* a stupid ape?! HA!
How much *strength* does it take to be a slave to
hatred? How smart ya gotta be t' RIP OUT
SOMEBODY'S THROAT?"
[From the Go-Man adventure in "N"]
----
"Nah... you're the mob,
*you're* the mob in this
room, Vinnie. I'm just
your average
entrepreneur."
"I *saw* you *garotte* a
man IN MY *FACE*!!"
"That's RIGHT, I'd do it
AGAIN, but I'd do it
*MYSELF*! I don't have
to send TEENAGERS off to
the SLAUGHTER and the
next day MAKE EXCUSES FOR
IT IN THE OP ED PAGE!!"
[Sonny and Vinnie having it out in the penultimate episode of WISEGUY's
Steelgrave arc]
----
"This is *NOT* ABOUT
TAXES!!"
"THEN WHAT'S IT ABOUT,
MAN?!!"
"This is about the *core*
of yourself that *cannot*
be excused by whatever it
is about you I admire!
This is about the *need*
in your life *not* to run
rampant over other
people's lives simply
because your fire *burns*
*brighter*!
"Hey... this is about the
*LAW*, man!"
"I *loved* you, man."
[R.I.P., Sonny Steelgrave. WISEGUY, "Nobody Gets Out Of Here Alive."]
----
"Ronald Reagan becomes President?.... What a
bummer."
[The Immortal Man, inhabiting a 60's form, from ANIMAL MAN]
----
"AAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!.....
Two-minute warning."
[Frank McPike lets off some steam in WISEGUY]
----
"DIE, MANAGERIAL SWINE!! DIE, YUPPIE SCUM!!"
[Oh, No! It's The Terror! (Arf, arf!) from Steve Gerber's SHE-HULK]
----
"Don't bother. Just tell
me -- after hearing that
story -- are you going to
laugh WITH me or AT me?"
"AT."
"Figured as much."
[The Terror and The Critic, from SHE-HULK]
----
"Good evening, lowly clerk. Where is your Pez?"
[THE TICK, you silly person.]
----
"We only just got Andy
Warhol."
"Warhol's here?"
"Eighteen of him. Of all
my subjects, he seemed
most delighted with an
artificial body, and
suggested that I
mass-produce it. I
acquiesced. It seemed an
interesting idea. He
interviews himselves, or
gangs up on Truman Capote
in debates."
[The new Hades, from Moore and Totleben's MIRACLEMAN #16]
----
"Hey... relax!"
-- Go-Man
----
"Remember, kid: FIGHT with LOVE! And if you can't
Fight with Love: FIGHT WITH FUN!"
[GO-MAN's mentor, Dr. Venus. Whatta sweet guy...]
----
"I didn't get to be an old coot by playing footsie
with geeks."
[Harry the Hump gives his impressions on snitching to McPike on WISEGUY]
----
"My family."
"You know, I've got a
family too, pal; and you
don't give a damn about
them."
[A few ironic words from McPike to Don Baglia in WISEGUY]
----
"Daryl... you're a *good* bureaucrat. Heavy
action for you is the whirlpool at the Agency
toilets. Now this is a mop-up operation in a war
zone, you be a good guy and leave it to the
warriors."
[Frank lets Daryl have it on WISEGUY]
----
"When the stars were yet aborning, the race which
spawned me was already deep in Fuddy-Duddyism. We
were your basic `Shining City on a Hill' -- a
noble civilization whose arts and sciences
flowered, even within the constraints of a
balanced budget.
"It was, we felt, our obligation to impart our
boundless knowledge to other, less advanced races.
So we tried -- but, like dummies, we gave them
fission technology instead of haikus or the
ukelele or something. The result was predictable.
Our first experiment with altruism was also our
last.
"Gravely embarrassed, most of my race retreated into
passive observation of the universe. They are
called The Watchers. I hail from a splinter
faction. We watch, too -- but feel compelled to
deliver piquant commentary on what we see.
"For we are... The Critics."
[The Critic, from SHE-HULK]
----
"But... you're a duck!"
"True. But I know DOS,
and I type with all
eight fingers -- which
is more than you can say
for most computer
salesmen."
[Yup, Howard. From SHE-HULK]
----
"Remember the 60's,
Vinnie?"
"Yeah."
"How are ya gonna remember
this? How ya gonna
remember me, Vinnie?"
[The last hours of Sonny Steelgrave, from WISEGUY]
----
"You would welcome death as friend, then, Animal
Man? Would you? Death is not interested in your
friendship. Death is impartial. Irrational.
Wayward."
[Well, what do you expect from a demon? Sally Jesse Rapheal? From ANIMAL MAN.]
----
"Now, let me get this straight... your ENTIRE
COUNTRY is above the timberline?"
[Pete contemplates the horror of a land without trees in TWIN PEAKS]
----
"I don't know... the beard sort of ruins the effect
of the lingerie, what do you think?"
[Mr. Style, Special Agent Dale Cooper, from TWIN PEAKS]
----
"About time you got here... they move so slowly
when they're not afraid."
[The Log Lady talking to her log. From TWIN PEAKS.]
----
"I've got tea, I've got
cookies... no cake."
"That's very kind of you,
ma'am, but..."
"What kind of cookies?"
"Sugar. The owls won't
see us in here."
[Those darn owls! From TWIN PEAKS]
----
"Hope the herring holds out."
[Brother Ben, from TWIN PEAKS]
----
"It was revealed this week that the Contras are
breaking up, because one of them is dating Yoko."
-- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update
----
"On Thursday, former Capt. Joseph Hazelwood, whose
absence from the bridge of his ship was blamed for
the [Exxon Valdez] disaster, was acquitted of all
but one minor charge. When asked how he was going
to celebrate the decision, Hazelwood said he was
going to get `really ripped' and drive a gasoline
tanker truck down San Francisco's Lombard street."
-- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update
----
"My friendship's not for sale. But I do give
private consultations to the rich and socially
unacceptable."
[Business Practices by Sonny Steelgrave]
----
"I know that you were
behind it, Sid."
"Pardon?"
"`Pardon?'.... Not in this
organization."
[Sonny and Sid's first major confrontation on WISEGUY]
----
"I've lived without X-MEN for about four years now,
and I'm happy to say that I haven't had the urge
to light one up in months."
[moi]
----
"Does your mother have any
idea what a total *dink*
you turned into, Frank?"
"My *mother*... thinks
I'm *adorable*."
[Frank McPike and Vinnie Terranova meet, on WISEGUY]
----
"I have no mouse and I must click."
-- Richard Sexton
----
"Ha ha ha... now *this* is
irony."
"Naw, 't's a fruit cake."
[Susan's 5th Christmas cheesecake, from BAKER STREET]
----
"Welcome to the real world, ladies. Intelligence
is no good to you unless you know how to use it...
and nobody likes a smart ass."
[Nasty 'orrible blighters from BAKER STREET (i.e, inferior help)]
----
"I suppose you think that
was funny."
"I don't know. I'll have
to consult our humor
officer... Mr. Spock,
was that funny?"
"I shall have to analyze
it, sir. It may take
time."
[From DC's STAR TREK comic]
----
"Hold on!"
"Sound advice, Captain."
[Indeed. From DC's STAR TREK comic]
----
"I like Vulcans, you know.
Splendid race."
"Because of our
dedication to logic and
reason?"
"Not at all. It's because
your ears are simply
smashing."
[From DC's STAR TREK comic]
----
"What a perceptive bitch."
[When families fall out... Ron Silver, from the rag trade episode of WISEGUY]
----
"Money isn't enough; it's
the vantage point. It's
making sure that the
right people in your life
always see you from the
vantage point of looking
up... preferably with
their necks craned back
at a 90-degree angle...."
"It's not the looking up;
it's the looking down.
You can't see the pain
in their faces."
"Then I want this deal
played out on street
level."
[A woman with a problem. From the Rag Trade episode of WISEGUY]
----
"Look, it's trying to think."
[It's Albert the obnoxious FBI coroner! From TWIN PEAKS]
----
"I've got a lot of cutting and pasting to do,
gentlemen, so please, why don't you return to your
porch rockers and resume whittling?"
[That Albert... TWIN PEAKS]
----
"Nothing beats the taste sensation when maple syrup
<*SLAP*> collides with ham!"
[Agent Cooper likes his breakfasts. From TWIN PEAKS]
----
"Bo knows Elvis. Bo IS Elvis."
[Off the net, from a signoff line]
----
"One minute I'm in the pasture porkin' ponies, the
next I'm a can of Mighty Dog!"
-- Secretariat
[Off the net, from a signoff line]
----
"I'm 36 years old, I love my family, I love
baseball, and I'm about to become a farmer. But
until I heard The Voice, I'd never done a crazy
thing in my life."
-- FIELD OF DREAMS
----
"Think they spotted us?"
"Gimme a donut."
[Stake-out time on TWIN PEAKS. Mmmh-mm! Damn Good Coffee!]
----
"Agent Cooper LOVES coffee."
[He certainly does, but it has to be Damn Good Coffee. From TWIN PEAKS]
----
"Damn good coffee! And HOT!"
[From the classic rock-throwing deduction scene of TWIN PEAKS]
----
"Can I ask her about her
log?"
"Many have."
[Investigating the Log Lady from TWIN PEAKS]
----
"Don't we need a catcher?"
"Not if you get it near
the plate, we don't."
[Ray and Shoeless Joe from FIELD OF DREAMS]
----
"Un-believable."
"It's more than that.
It's *perfect*."
[Terrance Man and Ray Kinsella from FIELD OF DREAMS]
----
"Hey, ump! How about a
warning?"
"Sure! `Watch out you
don't get killed!'"
[Moonlight Graham learns the game, from FIELD OF DREAMS]
----
"The one constant through all the years, Ray... has
been *baseball*. America has rolled by like an
army of steamrollers; it has been erased like a
blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But
*baseball*... has marked the time. This field;
this game; it's a part of our past, Ray. It
reminds us of all that once was good, and that
could be again.
"Ohhh.... people will come, Ray. People will most
definitely come."
[James Earl Jone's outstanding speech as Terrance Mann, from FIELD OF DREAMS]
----
"It would *kill* some men
to get that close to
their dream and not touch
it! They'd consider it a
tragedy!"
"Son, if I'd only gotten
to be a doctor for five
minutes... Now, that
would've been a
tragedy."
[Words of wisdom from Dr. Graham, from FIELD OF DREAMS]
----
"Oh my God!"
"What?"
"You're from the Sixties!"
[Terrance Mann from FIELD OF DREAMS]
----
"So it's sort of a necktie
for your butt?"
"Let's not be vulgar.
You're just jealous."
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"You know how old people always write letters to
Dear Abby complaining that their kids never write,
call or visit? Those letters really crack me up."
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"Well, being a tiger is
more than just stripes,
you realize."
"Kind of a zen thing,
huh?"
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"It says tigers nearly faced extinction and their
future remains in doubt.... This explains why I
don't meet many babes."
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"I've got to start listening to those quiet,
nagging doubts."
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"Hard to say, Ma'am. I think my cerebellum just
fused."
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"Do you believe our
destinies are determined
by the stars?"
"Nah."
"Oh, *I* do."
"Really? How come?"
"Life's a lot more fun
when you're not
responsible for your
actions."
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"Yeah! If we find the whole thing, we'll be
famous! With the grant money we'll get, we can
buy a Porsche!"
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"Without question, that
was one of the worst
experiences of my life."
"It built character."
"Oh sure. Why can't I
ever build character at a
Miami condo or a casino
somewhere?"
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"MY TRANSMOGRIFIER GUN!! Boy, these things come in
handy all the time."
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your
kid at the same time."
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"For a girl, she's remarkably perceptive."
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"But I'd still rather see
this with a tiger than a
person."
"Well, that goes without
saying."
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"Dad finally said he was
sick of arguing with me,
and for all he cared, I
could watch TV until my
brains oozed out my
ears."
"So you're going to?"
"It was a hard-won
privilege."
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
"Who IS this mysterious masked man?? And why has
he never been photographed together with handsome,
6-year-old millionaire playboy Calvin?"
-- CALVIN AND HOBBES
----
Why do computers manage
to do things so quickly?
They don't have to
answer the phone.
[From rec.humor.funny]
----
"Look, `Ma'... I've done my service as Acolyte at
the Altar of Ideals, and the service always ends
up the same. Idealism, in practice, is
*pragmatism*; pragmatism slowly slides to
*fatalism*, running down the wrong road, pedal to
the metal, *pushing* your future *behind* you!"
[Roger Lacoco espouses philosophy (not Malthus!) from WISEGUY]
----
"I want to be civilized about this, but I don't
want to get screwed. He *is* from Seattle."
[Mark Volchek, being shrewd, from WISEGUY]
----
"Maybe we're close and we
don't know it."
"You mean somewhere
between Walden's Pond
and Skinner's Box?"
[Another shrewd analysis from Roger Lacoco on WISEGUY]
----
"I like these people; they all look like they're
out of a Diane Arbus photograph..."
[A keen observation from Roger Lacoco on WISEGUY]
----
"Opening night, the lead actor disappeared to do a
two-part KOJAK and I lost my show.... but
*spiritually*, it was the right thing to do, wasn't
it, McPike?"
[Mark Volchek spins off the road again, from WISEGUY]
----
"Hurry... Helmut's getting sleepy!"
[WISEGUY]
----
"Frankly, I don't trust him... he's from Seattle."
[Volchek from WISEGUY]
----
"Forget computers; it's hard enough getting humans
to pass the Turing test."
-- paraphrased from A DAY FOR
DAMNATION, by David Gerrold
----
pixel, n.: A mischievous, magical spirit associated
with screen displays. The computer industry has
frequently borrowed from mythology: Witness the
sprites in computer graphics, the demons in
artificial intelligence, and the trolls in the
marketing department.
[A humorous computer glossary mailed to me]
----
"Didn't Bill Shatner work
this stage last year?"
"YES!"
[Pointing to floor] "I
thought I saw some hair
down there!"
-- Jonathon Frakes
----
"You're obviously in stage
2: denial."
"No I'm not!"
-- THE SIMPSONS
----
"The parties would have saved time, money, feelings
and relations had they curbed their emotions and
sat down to settle their difference out of
court.... This suit is not the sort of thing
federal courts should spend time and energy upon."
-- U.S. District Judge Lucius
Bunton, regarding the
Motorola-Hitachi case
----
"Me think Petey teach important lesson: not good to
decapitate and disembowel best friend."
[From the NBC Tarzan, Tonto and Frankenstein Thanksgiving Special skit on SNL]
----
"Your cue, Buckwheat."
[Roger Lacoco directs Volchek's ressurection on WISEGUY]
----
"Death can't be cheated -- not even by Volcheks.
But life can be."
[Lacy makes a shrewd observation that applies to other people besides Volcheks.
WISEGUY]
----
"Since God has given me a cheerful disposition, he
will forgive me for serving him cheerfully."
-- Joseph Haydn
----
"The basis of optimism is sheer terror."
-- Oscar Wilde
----
"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian
anymore than going to a garage makes you a car."
-- Laurence J. Peter
----
"New York: where everyone mutinies but no one
deserts."
-- Harry Hershfield
----
"England has forty-two religions and two sauces."
-- Voltaire
----
"Humility is no substitute for a good personality."
-- Fran Lebowitz
----
"You can't expect a boy to be depraved until he has
been to a good school."
-- Saki
----
"Having a family is like having a bowling alley in
your brain."
-- Martin Mull
----
"I took a speed-reading course and read WAR AND
PEACE in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."
-- Woody Allen
----
Re: THE HUNT FOR THE RED OCTOBER
"It has not hurt, of course, that the Soviet
Union chose the week of the film's release to
come clean in the pages of "Isvestia" about a
real incident in 1975 -- involving a frigate,
not a submarine -- on which "Red October" is
based. "Damned cordial of them", said Mr.
Clancy during a chat with "The Economist". "I
wonder how much Paramount paid them to do that?"
-- THE ECONOMIST, March 17th
----
"There's a kind of sweetness to Dick Tracy that I
always kind of liked."
-- Warren Beatty
"Come on, you mugs -- start eating a little of
this!" *RATA-TAT-TAT-TAT*
-- Dick Tracy
----
"Ty Cobb wanted to play, but none of us could stand
the sonofabitch when we were alive, so we told him
to stick it."
[Shoeless Joe from FIELD OF DREAMS]
----
"Congress is not the sole suppository of wisdom."
-- Rep. Bill Schuette (R-MI)
----
What do you call a
16-year-old girl who
hangs out with musicians?
Tiffany.
[From rec.humor.funny]
----
Why do they have a rear
window defroster on the
Yugo?
So your hands stay warm
while you're pushing it.
[From rec.humor.funny]
----
Selections from New York Magazines' CREATE YOUR OWN
TABLOID HEADLINE Contest:
- Dog Missing Since 1940 Returns, Bites Master
- I Found Danny DeVito's Head in a Dumpster
- Satanic Messages in Nintendo Imperil our Youth
- Sky-diving Mom Gives Birth During Free-Fall
- Your Remote Control Could Launch Nuclear Weapons
- Man Held in Shooting Death of Own Siamese Twin
- Cocker Spaniel Shoots Intruder, Calls 911 to Save
Master
- Infant Grows Sideburns During Visit to Graceland
- Aliens Reconstruct Berlin Wall
----
/EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you
can.
[From rec.humor.funny]
----
The difference between philosophy and religion: If
you have an argument over philosophy, you get red
in the face. Over theology you throw bombs.
[From rec.humor.funny]
----
What do you get when you
cross a pit bull with a
collie?
A dog that rips your leg
off then runs for help.
[From rec.humor.funny]
----
"All it takes is a little bit of graciousness."
-- Whoopi Goldberg, "Fontaine"
----
"Sounds sort of angry, Frank."
[Lacoco from WISEGUY]
----
"I sell sex... not affection. Affection's free;
but nobody ever asks."
[WISEGUY]
----
"The only codicil I come with is my name. I live
with it; I don't hide from the past."
[Lacoco from WISEGUY]
----
"Well, there are no morally corrupt men
manipulating Vinnie Terranova. He didn't wake up
one morning and say it's wrong-headed, he woke up
and said `It's ugly, I don't wanna look at it any
more.' Well, *I* think it's ugly too, and *I*
don't wanna look at it; but I'm doin' it 'cause I
said I would!"
[Frank blows up on WISEGUY]
----
"To you, Baldrick, the Renaissance was something
that just happened to other people, wasn't it?"
[BLACK ADDER II]
----
"Not _the_ Jane Harrington? Jane 'Bury Me in a
Y-shaped Coffin' Harrington?"
[BLACK ADDER II]
----
"She's got a tongue like an electric eel and loves
the taste of a man's tonsils..."
-- Lord Flash Heart
[BLACK ADDER II]
----
"You've really got your
banter worked out,
haven't you?"
"No, this is a new and
spontaneous thing. It's
called wit."
[BLACK ADDER III]
----
"Beatings will continue until morale improves."
-- The Management
----
"Jesus saves sinners... and redeems them for
valuable cash prizes."
[Signoff line on the net]
----
"... slowly, slowly, with the velocity of love."
-- Suzanne Ciani
----
"God is in my mind, and the Devil is in my pants."
-- Jonathon Winters
----
"Ron Silver co-stars as a psychotic commodity
trader (perhaps a tautology)..."
-- Craig Good
----
"CBS: Cancelled By Saganski"
-- Kelly Flores
----
"They're filming Rocky V now. This one's being
billed as `Rocky's Greatest Challenge', so I guess
there's an IQ test involved."
-- Jay Leno
----
"Mr. McPike -- I have some
bad news."
"VCR broke?"
[Mark and Frank on WISEGUY]
----
"You're *sorry*. Well... in lieu of a parachute,
here's a hanky!"
[Volchek on WISEGUY]
----
"Get the cop in the pocket BACK in your pants."
[Volchek on WISEGUY]
----
"And the Rev. Adams likes to come in every two
weeks dressed in a leather tux and wants to be
called `Volfie.'"
[WISEGUY]
----
"I practice my passion on
the town... What makes
them so beautiful is that
they require a
specialized pollination
because of a twisted
ovary."
"Are you sane?"
[Mark and Frank on WISEGUY]
----
"...and maybe if we have time, we can see a movie!"
[I wonder which one that might be? Let a smile be your umbrella... WISEGUY]
----
"They were fine men,
Stem."
"They were good dancers,
too."
[Stem begins to loose it on WISEGUY]
----
"Debbie Gibson and dog food. I've always dreamed
of this."
-- Julie Brown
----
"I think life should be more like tv. I think all
of life's problems ought to be solved in 30
minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think
weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest
concerns. I think we should all have powerful,
high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy
sports cars. All our desires should be instantly
gratified. Women should always wear tight
clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns.
Life overall should be more glamorous,
thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you
think?"
-- Calvin and Hobbes
----
"Love is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence."
-- H.L. Mencken
----
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is
the same."
-- Oscar Wilde
----
"It is always the best policy to tell the truth,
unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good
liar."
-- Jerome K. Jerome
----
"The more one is hated, I find, the happier one
is."
-- Louis Ferdinand Celine
----
"I'm not OK, you're not OK, and that's OK."
-- William Sloane Coffin
----
"Brevity is the soul of lingerie."
-- Dorothy Parker
----
"It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't
understand that bother me, it's the part that I do
understand."
-- Mark Twain
----
"It's silly to go on pretending that under the skin
we are all brothers. The truth is more likely that
under the skin we are all cannibals, assassins,
traitors, liars, hypocrites, poltroons."
-- Henry Miller
----
"You never realize how short a month is until you
pay alimony."
-- John Barrymore
----
"The chief obstacle to the progress of the human
race is the human race."
-- Don Marquis
----
"Living in California adds ten years to a man's
life. And those extra ten years I'd like to spend
in New York."
-- Harry Ruby
----
"Posterity is as likely to be wrong as anybody
else."
-- Heywood Broun
----
"Children should neither be seen nor heard from --
ever again."
-- W.C. Fields
----
"You can fool too many of the people too much of
the time."
-- James Thurber
----
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing.
If you can fake that, you've got it made."
-- Groucho Marx
----
"I have not observed anyone else on board
consulting you about their procreation, Captain."
[Data from ST:TNG]
----
"Mr. Trump spent the week trying to buy off Ivana,
his own estranged wife, who wants more than the
$25m promised her in a per-nuptial settlement
(`IVANA BETTER DEAL' cried the New York Daily
News)."
-- THE ECONOMIST
----
Concerning the Bay Bridge Troll:
"We cannot tolerate any suggestion that our bridges
need a mystical power to ensure safety."
-- Greg Bayol, California
Department of Transportation
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Tom Waits
"The man who gargles with rocks. Once an chronicler
of the down & out, now some kind of artist. Smokes
a lot."
-- sco!martyst@ucscc.UCSC.EDU
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: U2
"Way-talented band that just hit the fucking *wall*
with RATTLE AND HUM."
-- Lazlo Nibble
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Tina Turner
"Survivor who went from belting soul to slightly
schmaltzy rock. She'll have great legs two years
after she dies."
-- sco!martyst@ucscc.UCSC.EDU
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: John Tesh
"Is his album 'Tour De France' the music from
Channel 4's coverage? If so, I'll buy it. If not,
I might buy it anyway."
-- Alan Crawford
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: The Police
"I didn't like the Police when they were at the
height of their popularity. But since that has
settled down, I've listened to their old music and
I like it. I know that sounds prejudiced against
popular music but that attitude saved me from the
Bee Gees."
-- Frank J. Schima
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Monty Python
"_The Spam Song_ is surely an epochal work in
twentieth century music."
-- Russ Levreault
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Nena Hagen
"Beverly Sills fights Popeye the Sailor for the
control of one set of vocal cords! Extremely weird
East German with an impressive set of pipes and
not much taste. Very irritating."
-- sco!martyst@ucscc.UCSC.EDU
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Cream
"The best psychedelic blues rock you could ask for.
Absolutely swimming in drugs."
-- sco!martyst@ucscc.UCSC.EDU
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Phil Collins
"Ever wonder what Popeye would sound like doing
vocals???"
-- TRM900@PSUVM.PSU.edu
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Phil Collins
"Does he really have to sell Michelob to make ends
meet?"
-- Russ Levreault
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Joe Cocker
"Voted the man least likely to see 1970, in 1969."
-- Paul Maclauchlan
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Bruce Cockburn
"Bruce Cockburn is in western Canada still
wondering where the lions are."
-- Paul Mount
----
SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Tracy Chapman
"It's rumored that she is the girl who played "Dee"
on the old TV show `What's Happening'."
-- Anton C Shepps
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SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: John Carpenter
"Hey, Spike Lee may be able to do just about
anything but he still hasn't managed to WRITE AND
PERFORM HIS OWN SOUNDTRACK MUSIC! Haaaaa! Love the
music for BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA -- pure
cheese."
-- Lazlo Nibble
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SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Butthole Surfers
"Any group who starts out a song by screaming
`SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!' can't be too bad..."
-- Richard Caley
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SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Butthole Surfers
"I have their album `Hairway to Steven'... The
lyrics become intelligible when you play the album
at 45 rpm."
-- Hans Huttel
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SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: David Bowie
"Somewhere between great and terrible."
-- John Gateley
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SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Bon Jovi
"I like one or two songs. Maybe. Don't tell
anybody."
-- Lazlo Nibble
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SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Bon Jovi
"He's basically doing the same things Peter
Frampton did way back when, except he's not as
good at it."
-- rmiller@sbcs.sunysb.edu
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SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Beatles
"The only British band to have its own newsgroup."
-- Hans Huttel
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SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Anita Baker
"Adult contemporary at it's adult contemporaryest.
Yawn..."
-- valerie@athena.mit.edu
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SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Johann Sebastian Bach
"Great composer, but hasn't written much lately."
-- Richard Caley
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SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Joan Armatrading
"She should get more credit than Tracy Chapman, but
she's not always politically correct, and if
there's one thing the music industry can't stand
it's a talented black female folk/rocker who is
NOT politically correct."
-- Anton C Shepps
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SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #4: Ian Anderson
"Sings, plays flute, cans salmon, what more could
you wish for."
-- Richard Caley
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