Subject: 1993 Moriarty Quote List [Corrected 1992 List, Part 2 of 11] Message-ID: <1993May10.034929.21705@tc.fluke.COM> Keywords: Acres O' Quotes Organization: The Institute for Criminal Science, Gizmonics Control References: <1993May10.032105.21262@tc.fluke.COM> <1993May10.034723.21633@tc.fluke.COM> Date: Mon, 10 May 1993 03:49:29 GMT Lines: 1852 "Things may look grim for *us*, but *nothing* is grim for... STUPENDOUS MAN! Champion of Liberty! Foe of Tyranny!" "I'm going to get in bed now and avoid the rush." [Where else? CALVIN AND HOBBES] ---- "I told them, `Hey, watch it! This is my wife's tank!'" [Crazy (and now non-single) Ron Post in THOSE ANNOYING POST BROTHERS] ---- "So I killed them all with a jelly sandwich I had in my pocket." [THOSE ANNOYING POST BROTHERS] ---- "The real thrill is the chase! Zoomin' down the road, tryin' to outrun an ICBM with your name on it... Ahh... Now, that's entertainment!" [THOSE ANNOYING POST BROTHERS] ---- "I may be insane but I've kept my figure." [SHADE, THE CHANGING MAN] ---- "She has a house?" "She has lots of things, although she seldom has much use for them. You should see her floppy hat collection." [SANDMAN] ---- "And Herakles was *full* of it. He just got dead drunk for a couple of weeks in Phyrgia and told everyone he'd been to the land of the dead." [SANDMAN] ---- "By 1926, when librarians surveyed young readers' tastes, they found to their disgust that Tom Swift was on 98 percent of their students' reading lists." -- Smithsonian magazine ---- Selections from THE TOP TEN PROVISIONS IN THE LOIS LANE/SUPERMAN PRE-NUPTIAL AGREEMENT: 10. Joint custody of Jimmy Olsen 8. He has to clean up after his own super dog 5. Superman must reverse Earth's rotation to go back and put toilet seat down 2. In the event of a divorce, Lois gets the Plaza Hotel -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- "Why, I even heard the secret of the universe was printed in one issue of 'Grit', but nobody ever read the damn thing." -- Major Honey ---- "To consider persons and events and situations only in the light of their effect upon myself is to live on the doorstep of Hell." -- Thomas Merton ---- BEST PORTLAND PROTEST CHANT: "Bad cop. No donut! Bad cop. No donut!" [From a friend, Ellen Eades] ---- "Absolute. Absolutely absolute. Absolutely positively definitely absolute!" -- Prof. Sacks of Harvard ---- "I brought this book today... a wonderful book. Because I wrote it.... How much do you think this book costs? $60? $70? Nah. $90. And $130 in Japan." -- Prof. Sacks of Harvard ---- "[Peter Greenaway] doesn't strike me as the sort of artist who could resist the idea of lakes of shit." -- Peter Reiher ---- "`Dear Mr. Silverberg: Keep this woman away from me or I'll draft you. I can do that, you know; I'm the President.'" [MURPHY BROWN] ---- "Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals." -- Henry Spencer ---- "They asked Arnie if he would be interested in shaving his head and being painted blue and he said 'Sure, if it made sense'. I think he could do it. He has a degree. He has a German accent." -- Alan Moore (paraphrased) on Arnold Schwarzenegger playing Dr. Manhattan in a film adaptation of WATCHMEN ---- "Eldon... do you think I'll make a good mother?" "No -- but I will!" [MURPHY BROWN] ---- "It's not that the band's becoming less popular, just that its audience is becoming more selective." [THIS IS SPINAL TAP] ---- "Obviously I'd feel a lot worse if I wasn't under such heavy sedation." [THIS IS SPINAL TAP] ---- "They're quite fearful, actually. We're on stage and we have armadillos in our trousers." [THIS IS SPINAL TAP] ---- "'My Country right or wrong' is like saying 'My Mother drunk or sober.'" -- G. K. Chesterton ---- Selections from TOP 10 REASONS WHY THE REC.ARTS.SF-LOVERS REORG WAS NULLIFIED: 9. Trekkies mind melded with Spaf, gained control of him (and The Sacred Lists)! 7. "I survived the great sf-lovers reorg" t-shirts delayed 6 months anyways 6. Libya, Iraq, and the PLO all pledged their support of the reorg (16-Y ballots from each) 5. USENet Olympics pre-empted sf-lovers coverage in news.groups 2. Mike Brown threatened to post his Program Guide _AGAIN_ -- Allan Schaffer ---- "Brought to you by IBM, because we're sick of all this complacency." -- Scott Forbes ---- "Coming up: Tape delay highlights from Beating a Dead Horse!" -- Scott Forbes ---- Selections from "Things I'd like to see the TV Flash do": 10) Start taking speed. 8) Moon every person in the face at a NY Giants game within 10 minutes. 2) Deliver piping hot Domino's pizza. -- Shelley Louie ---- High Concept Reviews: THE PHILADEPHIA EXPERIMENT STORY: To keep his ex-wife (Katherine Hepburn) from marrying an up-and-coming politician (Ronald Reagan) in 1943, a scientist (Cary Grant) sends her into the future to see what the consequences of the marriage would be. AAN to James Stewart as the PEOPLE reporter who follows her around in 1982. [moi] ---- High Concept Reviews: THE THING MAN: Science Fiction thriller about group of scientists and soldiers stationed at the North Pole who uncover an extremely urbane, witty married alien couple frozen in ice (with their pet Wookie, Rastah) who, when revived, feed on plasma. Happy ending where pig blood from a local kosher deli is used to satisfy Nrrk and Nrrr-a's appetites is a nice touch. [moi] ---- High Concept Reviews: HIGHLANDER NOON: Just when an immortal sheriff is planning to settle down with the local Quaker wench, three guys with swords show up on the noon stage, intending to cut his head off. Slow story, but made famous by the hit song, "Do Not Behead Me Oh My Darling." [moi] ---- High Concept Reviews: GODZILLA IS MY CO-PILOT: Flag-waver about Navy test pilot who is convinced that a giant radioactive lizard will bail him out if he has plane troubles. Pretty maudlin, and the finale where Godzilla gets help for the flyboy after a crash is a direct ripoff from almost any LASSIE episode. [moi] ---- High Concept Reviews: LICENSE TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD: James Bond tires of international intrigue and cosmopolitan living, turns in his double-O license and moves to a small town in the deep South, living as a hermit known as Arthur "Boo" Radley. But when a group of sadistic bigots threaten the daughter of a local attorney, Bond straps on his Walther PPK and wipes out the entire Alabama Klan. Very satisfying film for liberals. Special mentions: Ken Adams' set design for the huge launch pad (hidden beneath a cyprus swamp) used to launch a burning cross into orbit; and Olivia D'Abo as "Scout" Finch. [moi] ---- High Concept Reviews: A FRIGHT NIGHT AT THE OPERA: A vampire (Sig Rumann) moves next door to the New York Metropolitan Opera company, and attempts to seduce it's financial benefactor (Margaret Dumont), but is thwarted by an ex-game show host (Groucho Marx), his Italian manager, and a mute vampire hunter. Famous for Groucho's "My, what big teeth you have, Grandma!" line, and the classic scene with 20 people cooped up in a coffin. [moi] ---- High Concept Reviews: NATIONAL BLUE VELVET: The story of a girl training her horse for the Grand Nationals in an odd American town. Academy Award nomination to Dennis Hopper as her rather moody trainer. [moi] ---- New hit show on Soviet TV: EIGHT ISN'T ENOUGH -- Matt Crawford ---- "Well, as long as there's sex and drugs, I could do without the rock 'n roll." ---- "Hi. I'm subbing for Cliff Stoll on this panel, and will be ready to do so just as soon as I drink a case of Jolt Cola and stick my finger in an electric socket." -- Tom Galloway ---- Review of SWITCH: "If *I* turned into a woman, at least I'd be a sensible dresser." -- Dave Chalmers ---- "Hell, boy, of COURSE not! But I've had eight times as much experience as she has! No one can do the job as good as me!" "Although there has been *remarkable* progress with trained baboons." [Peter David reunites Spock and McCoy in ST:TNG THE MODALA IMPERATIVE] ---- "What *one* moment do you remember the most clearly? What single incident haunts you?" "Recalling how unaesthetic the Captain looked with pointed ears and arched eyebrows." [Peter David reunites Spock and McCoy in ST:TNG THE MODULA IMPERATIVE] ---- "Uh, Bruce... who're you talking to?" "A holographic image of a man only I can see." "Cool. Does he look like Dean Stockwell?" [Peter David's HULK] ---- "You've survived and truimphed over incredible odds! So what does that make *you*?" "Damned lucky." "Damned RIGHT!" [Dr. McCoy talks about heroes with Riker in ST:TNG THE MODALA IMPERATIVE] ---- "...Well, frankly, you look like hell. I'd heard Vulcans looked *better* at your age!" "Indeed. And it was *my* understanding that humans were generally dead at your age." "Oooh! How sharper than a serpent's tooth is the wit of a senile Vulcan!" [Peter David reunites Spock and McCoy in ST:TNG THE MODALA IMPERATIVE] ---- "To avoid slow performance, Apple suggests that the amount of virtual memory you select be less than the system RAM." -- INFOWORLD ---- I'm going to heaven, boys, when I die 'Cause I've crossed every "t" and dotted every "i" My preacher tells me that I'm God's kind of guy That's why Jesus loves me -- but you're gonna fry -- Austin Lounge Lizards ---- From OREGON WILDLIFE magazine: "Oregon big game regulations for 1991 bear, deer, elk, and squirrel general seasons have just been announced..." ---- "You can build a throne out of bayonets, but you can't sit on it for very long." -- Boris Yeltsin ---- Billboard seen outside of Anne Arbor: WELCOME HOME GORBY! --------------------------- Next Time Vacation Michigan ---- [in a thick Russian accent]: "Help, I've fallen from power and I can't get up!" "OK, Mr. Gorbachev, we've called your immediate family and the major Western heads of state and help is on the way." -- CIMX ---- "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." "Hello. My name is Bruce Wayne. You killed my father. Prepare to die." "Hello. My name is Hamlet. You killed my father and married my mother. Should I do something about it or not?" "Hello. My name is Oedipus. I killed my father and married my mother. Prepare to be grossed out as I rip out my eyes." -- Tom Galloway ---- "I am of pliant, supple whalebone made, And you are glue; the insults that you hurl Bounce off my buoyant frame and stick to you!" -- ROMEO & JULIET, V iii 420-423, THE BOOK OF SEQUELS ---- "Are you sure there are no hidden cameras up there?" -- Arizona Rep. Don Kinney, while stuffing $55,000 into a gym bag ---- "BBC is the best!" -- Mikhail Gorbachev, discussing the radio news he listened to while under house arrest ---- "You wouldn't know a good time if it stripped naked, hopped on your face, and started wiggling!" -- C. Stanley ---- "Typos in FINNEGANS WAKE? How could you tell?" -- Kim Stanley Robinson ---- RECENT HEADLINE: Pee Wee Yanks Wee Wee, CBS Yanks Pee Wee [Pete Bellas] ---- One thing you can say for PeeWee Herman -- at least he wasn't talking during the movie. [?] ---- Q: What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic? A: A quantum mechanic can get his car into the garage without opening the door. -- David Kra ---- "Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and I will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of situations and I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a news conference about it. I'm going to put it in a safe and keep it there! Does that answer your question?" -- Dan Quayle ---- "If God had wanted us to vote, He would have given us candidates." [Barbara Hlavin?] ---- "Look, Mr. Jeffries, I'm not an educated woman, but I can tell you one thing: when a man and a woman see each other, and like each other, they oughta come together -- WHAM! -- like two taxis on Broadway." -- REAR WINDOW ---- "Director Oliver Stone's movie THE DOORS is basically JIM: THE LIFE OF AN ALCOHOLIC MORON." -- Libby Gelman-Waxner ---- "Oliver Stone, who also cowrote THE DOORS, may very well be America's favorite type of person: the talent-free genius.... Oliver's movies have messages like War is a bad scene and Poetry is beautiful; I think he studied philosophy and filmmaking with Gumby." -- Libby Gelman-Waxner ---- Selections from 20 THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPEN IN "STAR TREK": 1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before. 8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads. 13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction. -- Graeme MacDonald ---- Selections from 20 THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPEN IN "STAR TREK": 10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial. 11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties. 19. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him. -- Graeme MacDonald ---- "What is your name?" "Sir Brian of Bell." "What is your quest?" "I seek the Holy Grail." "What are four lowercase letters that are not legal flag arguments to the Berkeley UNIX version of `ls'?" "I, er.... AIIIEEEEEE!" -- Mark-Jason Dominus ---- "This is no `Whoops'! This is an `Aaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuggggggghhhh'!" [TORCH SONG TRILOGY] ---- "I'm sure we can handle this like mature adults, can't we, Mr. Poopy-Pants?" [Lt. Frank Drebbin, Police Squad, in THE NAKED GUN 2 1/2] ---- "`Uncle Bob'?" [T2] ---- "Hasta la vista, bay-bee." [T2] ---- Selections from ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER'S TOP TEN REJECTED MOVIE LINES (and read by Schwarzenegger): 10. My, what a lovely lacy doily. 8. Man-Oh-Man! Do I love fudge! 5. Can you please open this jar of olives for me? 4. Time to make the doughnuts, You Bastard! 3. Can you just let me keep the credit cards? 1. Who else loves show tunes? -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- "Code Orange -- That's a kid running around with his penis hanging out!" -- YUMMY FUR # 24 ---- Selections from the ENTRANCE EXAM FOR DL.HUMOR: 12. A Tandem sales rep, an IBM sales rep, and a DEC sales rep are stuck on a desert island. Which is the best way to end this joke? a. The IBM rep drowns trying tothe DEC rep. b. The Tandem rep finds a way off the island without the other two knowing. c. The Tandem rep sells $3 million worth of orders to the other two while they await rescue. d. I'm pretty happy seeing as many sales reps stuck on desert islands as possible. -- Maddi Hausmann ---- Selections from TOP TEN PROPOSED IMPROVEMENTS FOR WORLD LEAGUE AMERICAN FOOTBALL FOR 1992: 10. After ``big plays,'' pictures of players and what they really do for a living. 7. Fans allowed to participate on 4th down. 6. Bodacious-bouncing-cheerleader-cam. 3. Use of wrestling referees who "miss vital calls." -- Jim Carson ---- "THE NEBRASKA STATE MOTTO: `I dunno. What do you wanna do?'" -- Sharon O'Neil ---- "It is a sobering thought, for example, that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years." -- Tom Lehrer ---- "Congratulations, gentlemen. Thanks to the diligence of the FBI, this particular vacuum cleaner will never fall into the wrong hands." [Howard Hughes in THE ROCKETEER] ---- "Oh, Mac! That's some phallic symbolism! You ARE a real man after all!" "Gosh! What a gun." "He's already famous for it." [A Billy Nguyen version of the famous Charles Atlas ad, in the 1991 AMAZING HEROES SWIMSUIT ISSUE] ---- "Stupidity is evil waiting to happen." -- Clay Bond ---- Auditor: Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded. Lawyer: Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies. [Author unknown at the University of Pennsylvania] ---- Engineer's Estimate: The cost of construction in heaven. [Author unknown at the University of Pennsylvania] ---- "This is not the 18th century. A bunch of hicks with squirrel rifles can't provide a good model for political action today." -- Steve Cumming ---- "Far too many people these days have grown used to boring, mass-produced cats, which may bounce with health and nourishing vitamins but aren't a patch on the good old cats you used to get." -- Terry Pratchett, "The Unadulterated Cat" ---- "If you see only one movie this year... you need to get out more." [The tag line for THE NAKED GUN 2 1/2] ---- "*Wait* *a* *minute*. *Wait* *a* *minute*." -- Roy Blount, Jr. ---- "Just look at that. You proud of that sentence? You want your mama and daddy to read that sentence? You want your son or daughter to trustingly come upon that sorry-ass sentence someday buried way back deep in the public liberry and have to say my daddy wrote that? My daddy wrote that pore shitty sentence sitting there with no more grain nor solace in it than a old damn *half-cooked* *canned* *sleazy* *puffy-ass* *artificial* *god* *damn* *depressing-looking* *so-called* *biscuit*? Hunh? *Hunh?*" -- Roy Blount, Jr. ---- "Whud I *tell* you, boy? You can't suck *no* blood from a *dead* squirrel. *NAW!*" -- Roy Blount, Jr. ---- "Gah, ah ahhhhhhd, *damn*." -- Roy Blount, Jr. ---- "The devil can cite the Scriptures for his purpose; but the eternal true devil can cite the Simpsons for his purpose." -- Roger X. Carasso ---- "The best sauce in the world is hunger; but the best salad dressing is ranch or blue cheese." -- Roger X. Carasso ---- "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. Then the dentists, then the has-beens who've appeared on the Love Boat." -- Roger X. Carasso ---- "Usenet is William Shatner and George Bush trading places after being hit by lightning." -- James 'Kibo' Parry ---- "Drixel, draxel, drosel, drone. Time for this one to come home." [The "Mr. Wizard" cartoon] ---- "USENET IS NEVER CRYPTIC." -- James 'Kibo' Parry ---- "Usenet moves at the speed of dark." -- James 'Kibo' Parry ---- "Usenet asks no questions, but gets many answers; Usenet is the biggest pencil in the world. Usenet is a sword whose blade is in Schenectady and whose handle is everywhere." -- James 'Kibo' Parry ---- "Usenet is Frosty the Snowman comitting suicide with a flamethrower." -- James 'Kibo' Parry ---- "Usenet is void where prohibited." -- James 'Kibo' Parry ---- "Usenet is sans-serif but oblique." -- James 'Kibo' Parry ---- "OK, here's another attitude: I think that people who collect comix solely for financial reasons have a separate level of Hell reserved for themselves after they die. I don't know for sure, but I'm trying to confirm it, because I plan to contribute to the construction fees." -- Moi, THE OPTIMISTIC STURGEON ---- "Someday some bruiser with arms like logs and breath like stale bread is going to stand over you and say, `Have you paid your dues, kid? Have you paid your dues?' And when you're in a situation like that, you just remember the words of old Jack Burton. You just look him straight in the eye and you tell him what Jack Burton always says in a situation like that. 'Have I paid my dues? Hell yes. The check's in the mail.'" [BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA] ---- "I'm beginning to think that only stupid people can be truly happy." -- nomia ---- "Frats are these buildings where little boys go in, and big assholes come out. Seems to violate that conservation thing though." -- talk.bizarre ---- "I mean, you don't seem like a bad guy to me..." "I don't, huh? I got a death touch, an army of killer robots and a skull drawn on my chest and I don't look like a bad guy to you? I think you could be in the wrong business." [ANIMAL MAN] ---- "Sacrificing yourself for a LAWYER? Time to rethink your priorities, bub!" [THE FLASH (TV)] ---- "This time, I TAKE NO PRISONERS, AND POST NO BILLS!" [THE FLASH (TV)] ---- "Some discoloration may occur after dying." [THE FLASH (TV)] ---- "Hmm hmm hmmm.... Reality stinks. That's why I try to improve on it whenever I can." [THE FLASH (TV)] ---- "Nahhhh! Too safe and too sane!" [THE FLASH (TV)] ---- "You call this a *trial*?! This is nothing but a *kangaroo* *court* without the hoppy, furry guy!" [THE FLASH (TV)] ---- "Yeah, well, I had to wear special shoes when I was a kid." "Did they make fun of you?" "Nah... had poison blades in the toes, just like Rosa Klebb -- nobody messed with me." [NORTHERN EXPOSURE] ---- "Now, I am not doing this for you, O'Connell; I am doing this... for civilization! Whattya say? Pretty please?" [NORTHERN EXPOSURE] ---- "Ye Gods! annihilate but space and time, And make two lovers happy." -- Alexander Pope ---- "I hope the money men don't find out that I'd pay them to let me do this." -- David Lean ---- Selections from TOP 10 LIST OF SLOGANS TO PROMOTE KEVORKIAN'S SUICIDE MACHINE: 10. Just try it once, that's all we ask. 9. The quicker putter-downer. 5. Claus Von Bulow says: 'I like it so much, I bought the company.' 3. Dammit, it's time you did something for you! -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- "FACT: less than 10% of the psychiatrists in the US are actually practicing cannibals." -- Rod Johnson ---- "From a day when men knew how to design appliances in a wind tunnel!" -- Eyebeam ---- "Due to a typing error, Gov. Dukakis was incorrectly identified in the third paragraph as Mike Tyson." -- Fitchburg-Leominster Sentinel and Enterprise ---- "It was just a horribly violent, brilliantly done, pornographic movie." -- Alistair Cooke re: I, CLAUDIUS ---- Selections from TOP 59 MISTAKES MADE BY ADOLPH HITLER: 59. Used same astrologer as the Reagans 57. Kept Colonel Klink in command 49. Got drunk on schnapps and suggested Tojo attack the U.S. saying, "The U.S. only has twenty times your industrial power, what are you, a wimp?" 32. Nightmare involving Pillsbury Doughboy haunted him constantly with war advice 9. Chose "Deutschland Uber Alles" over "Let's All Be There" as party slogan 1. Land War in Asia -- Bear's_Class_Account@ub.cc.umich.edu ---- More selections from TOP 59 MISTAKES MADE BY ADOLPH HITLER: 50. Listened to too much Wagner and not enough Peter, Paul and Mary 41. Forgot to write "Dear Joey" letter to Stalin before invasion of Poland 31. In last days, chose to hide in bunker rather than ask U.S. for a little country place in Hawaii 27. Told Einstein he had a stupid name 25. Always got Churchill out of bed for conference calls 12. Referring to Stalin as "that old Georgian fat back" 10. Lost the Ark to Indiana Jones -- Bear's_Class_Account@ub.cc.umich.edu ---- "Portions of today's Twisted Radio are sponsored by `Nut 'N Raisin Honey', the breakfast cereal for impotent men." -- KISW ---- "Ah, well, I attended Julliard. I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen THE EXORCIST about 167 times, and it keeps gettin' funnier EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT!!" [BEETLEJUICE] ---- "I don't make monkeys, I just train 'em!" [No idea -- they haven't published the answers to the movie quiz yet. :-) ] ---- "Asking a writer 'where do you get your ideas' is like asking a butcher 'exactly what DO you put in this sausage'?" -- Roy Blount Jr. ---- THE BURNING BUSH TALKS TO MOSES: "This is hallowed ground -- take off those ugly fucking Birkenstocks!" -- Callahan ---- "Fellas, I don't recognise the right of this committee to ask me these kind of questions. And furthermore... you can all go fuck yourselves." [THE FRONT] ---- "Nice legs....... for a human." [Worf on STAR TREK:TNG] ---- "Don't make me use this." "Oh, not the mime. *Anything* but the mime." [THE FLASH] ---- "The Soviet viewers preferred ads in which it was clear which product was being advertised -- a sentiment heard increasingly in an industry whose products have grown famously abstract. But unlike native westerners of 25 years ago, the Russians -- weaned on propaganda and deeply distrustful of the media -- were sceptical of the adverts' messages. Their interpretations were often quite sophisticated. A spot for Listerine mouthwash was seen as a morality play where evil (bad breath) was conquered by good (the product). And sensible: a harried, carphone-toting yuppie was derided as unstable, hyperactive and frivolous." -- THE ECONOMIST, 3/23/91 ---- Raymond Burr doing a spot for ALMOST LIVE!: "I can't sign anything without my lawyer present. Wait! I am my lawyer!" [Article about the local ALMOST LIVE! show in the Seattle Times] ---- "`On [ALMOST LIVE!] there's very little of that fruity acting-troupe quality' found in some locally produced shows, notes [Ed] Wyatt. `Possibly that's because we're incompetent.'" [Article about the local ALMOST LIVE! show in the Seattle Times] ---- "`[ALMOST LIVE!] can't give you Sinead O'Connor', [Bill] Nye concedes. `But we can give you more jokes about Renton.'" [Article about the local ALMOST LIVE! show in the Seattle Times] ---- "That's bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!" [TRUE GRIT] ---- "It's a free country." "Not for chickens, it ain't." [ANGEL HEART] ---- "Why don't you do something about these terrorists?" "It's my lunch break." [BRAZIL] ---- "Hello? Hello? This is your dictator speaking." [MOON OVER PARADOR] ---- "You know, people might think you're cute, but me, I think you're just one really large baked potato." [Sly Stallone in DEATH RACE 2000] ---- "What is that?" "I don't know, but it's pissed off and weird." [Carpenter's version of THE THING] ---- "You can't hurt me. I always wear a bullet-proof vest around the studio." [HELLZAPOPIN'] ---- "Oh, come on, Frank! The Thunderbird is nothin' but a Beemer with a Yank decal." [NORTHERN EXPOSURE] ---- "A census taker tried to quantify me once; I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti." [The film version of THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS] ---- "My name is Bellows. Can *I* ignore continuity, too?" "Oh, all right. But it had better lead to disaster." [Matt Feazall's send-up of ZOT!] ---- "Won't you have a seat, Lt. Sure?" "Thank you, no. Standing gives me the psychological advantage, I'm told. Why don't I run my theory past you, and see if anyone cares to break down and confess." [DAMAGE CONTROL III] ---- "Geez! What a way to go! His broken, battered body lying in a twisted heap out here in the middle of this godforsaken hell-hole! Good riddance!" [THE EYE OF MONGOMBO] ---- "Just in case you were wondering -- *yes*, we do have to do our own stunts!" [THE EYE OF MONGOMBO] ---- "I've always wanted to make a baseball film. American values, and all that crap. WAY too boring, though." [DAMAGE CONTROL III] ---- "Um, Hulk? Can we talk to you for a moment?" "No! I'm tryin' to watch the ball game, here." "FINE by me. Your TV show bites." [DAMAGE CONTROL III] ---- "Fashion Police, Albert. He's here to talk to you about your lapels." [DAMAGE CONTROL III] ---- "A *movie*?" "Gimme a break!" "STRAIGHT to video!" "Can we get Dolph Lundgren to be in it?" "HEA-VEN'S GATE!" [DAMAGE CONTROL III] ---- "What is the capitol of North Carolina?" "...Raleigh." "...Fat lotta good *that'll* do me." [Windom Earle interrogates on TWIN PEAKS] ---- "And... styrofoam never dies, as long as you live." [Andy on TWIN PEAKS] ---- "Censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself. It is a hallmark of an authoritative regime." -- Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart ---- "If I could find a way to get [Saddam Hussein] out of there, even putting a contract out on him, if the CIA still did that sort of a thing, assuming it ever did, I would be for it." -- Richard Nixon ---- "I rob from the rich and give to the poor I rob from the poor when the rich need more I rob from the rich again, but alas I never give anything to the middle class" -- Robin Hoodlum ---- "He's not just gonna talk, Fleischman, he's gonna SING! Live PAVAROTTI!" [NORTHERN EXPOSURE] ---- "A man may fight for many things; his country, his principles, his friends, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mudwrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a stack of French porn." [BLACK ADDER III] ---- Selections from TOP TEN QUESTIONS ASKED ON THE WHITE HOUSE TOUR: 10. Can I crash here tonight? 8. Hey, cool! Whose slot cars? 6. How can George Bush *stand* her? 3. When's the next showing of CAPTAIN EO? 1. Wow! Who's the blonde with Weinberger? -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- Selections from BLITZEN'S TOP TEN PET PEEVES: 10. When airliners jettison their chemical toilets right in front of you. 6. Reindeer games tainted by steroids. 3. Two words: Soviet airspace -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- "I wonder why nobody consulted you." "Incredible, isn't it?" -- CALVIN AND HOBBES ---- "Another casualty of the seduction of art." -- CALVIN AND HOBBES ---- "Childhood is short and maturity is forever." -- CALVIN AND HOBBES ---- "It looks like we're a whole family again." "Such as it is, yes." -- CALVIN AND HOBBES ---- "Twisted fiend! No four walls can hold STUPENDOUS MAN! You've been foiled again, evil Mom-Lady! Ha ha ha!" "Oh, yeah?" "Great Zok! She's fixed her mind-scrambling eyeball ray on me! I'm suddenly filled with a desire to go back upstairs and do her nefarious bidding!" "Glad to hear it." [CALVIN AND HOBBES (of course)] ---- "I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed." -- CALVIN AND HOBBES ---- Selections from TOP TEN THINGS COMMUNISTS ARE NO DAMN GOOD AT: 8. Laying rubber in front of the Dairy Queen 6. Stage-diving at Motorhead concerts 5. Broadcasting warm sitcoms featuring lovable black families 2. Producing a boxer with as much heart as Rocky -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- Selections from TOP TEN EXCUSES OF THE EXXON TANKER CAPTAIN: 9. Thought the harbor was filled with the soft, fluffy kind of rocks 8. Felt flourishing salmon population was getting a little cocky lately 7. Wanted to impress Jodie Foster -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- Selections from TOP TEN CHILDREN'S BOOKS NOT RECOMMENDED BY THE NATIONAL LIBRARY ASSOCIATION: 10. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence 8. Legends of Scab Football 2. Let's Draw Betty and Veronica with Their Clothes Off 1. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- Selections from TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR ATTRACTIONS AT DISNEY WORLD: 8. Moses Malone's Enchanted Laundry Hamper 7. Parade of short actors in stifling animal suits 6. Pegleg Pete's Prison Shower Room 4. Hall of Vice Presidents 2. Turn the Hose on Lady and the Tramp -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- Selections from TOP TEN CHAPTER TITLES FROM SHIRLEY MacLAINE'S NEW BOOK: 9. Pizza to go -- from Alpha Centuri 8. Leif Erikson: Lousy in the Sack 5. Flying Saucers: More Dependable than Eastern 4. The Voices in My Head Argue Over Their Share of the Book Royalties 1. *I'm* Crazy? You Spent $21.95 on This Book! -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- Selections from BIGFOOT'S TOP 10 PEEVES: 9. Nobody ever goes after Alf with tranquilizer darts 7. This Dan Quayle jerk 3. Elvis always drops by right before dinner 2. Honking Winnebagos while you're trying to enjoy road kill 1. Driver's license photo makes him look like Gregg Allman -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- "Pooh hasn't much Brain, but he never comes to any harm. He does silly things and they come out right." -- Piglet ---- "While Popeye isn't replacing spinach with oat bran, he has replaced it with oatmeal, at least when he appears in commercials for Quaker Oats. For a while he was singing `I'm Popeye the Quaker man...' while punching out Brutus/Bluto, but this was stopped after the Society of Friends protested that that wasn't quite how Quakers acted (Quaker Oats has no direct connection with the Society of Friends aka Quakers)." -- Tom Galloway ---- "Peter Parker's parents packed a piece? Were papered coppers?" -- Kieran Mullen ---- "Which would you rather watch: sword-swallowers and snake charmers from New Delhi... or *MacGyver*?" [NORTHERN EXPOSURE] ---- "Not god's gift to women... more of a consolation prize!!" [?] ---- "Tacit agreement is acceptable, Leo." [Windom Earle gives another monologue on TWIN PEAKS] ---- "17 years old? When we didn't get into Harvard? We didn't handle *that* one very well, did we? No, we didn't." [NORTHERN EXPOSURE] ---- "It's bigger than your dish, Maurice." [A discussion of TV dish size on NORTHERN EXPOSURE] ---- "There are other ways besides *sex* to get a bladder infection, Fleischman." "Yeah, but that's the funnest." [NORTHERN EXPOSURE] ---- "Caligula is rather the method actor's nightmare -- I mean, how do I identify?" -- John Hurt ---- "MY DAD WENT TO KUWAIT AND ALL HE BROUGHT ME WAS THIS LOUSY GOLD BATHTUB FAUCET" [Seen on rec.humor.funny] ---- "I can tell she really cared for me: she didn't make me a pallbearer." [THE SIMPSONS] ---- "LISTEN, you... BLOODSUCKER! Has it ever occured to you that old folks deserve to be treated like HUMAN BEINGS, whether they have money or not?!!" "Yes... but it passes." [THE SIMPSONS] ---- "Come on in, friends; dignity's on me." [Grandpa Simpson on THE SIMPSONS] ---- "So what happens?" "At 0700 hours tomorrow morning, my shutdown disk will be activated, and all mental and physical operations will cease." "And then what?" "I don't know -- maybe I'll get a job as a disc jockey." [RED DWARF III] ---- "Egads, the lad's an ad-libber." [William Shakespeare comments on Sherman, Mr. Peabody' boy, on ROCKY AND HIS FRIENDS] ---- "Peabody here. Today Sherman and I are going back to the year 64 AD to visit with one of history's most reknowned violinists." "Jack Benny?" "No, that would be 39 AD, Sherman." [Why, Mr. Peabody, or course on ROCKY AND HIS FRIENDS] ---- And our heroes were quickly subdued. "I was pretty subdued when we started." [BULLWINKLE!] ---- "If a squirrel crawls into an electric transformer and explodes, does it make a noise heard over two block away?" -- Brian McElhinney, ZEN FOR AMERICANS ---- "Being a facetious person I get no credit for any depth of feeling." -- Charles Portis, GRINGOS ---- "I have come suddenly upon my heart and where it is I see no help for." -- THE LADY'S NOT FOR BURNING ---- "[CALVIN AND HOBBES] requires a great deal of research and I need to do more interplanetary exploration and paleontology work before I can continue." -- Bill Watterson on his upcoming sabbatical ---- "Actors and technicians were being demobbed every day. Very soon the only ham actor left in the combined forces would be General George Patton." -- Michael Powell ---- Selections from TOP 10 REJECTED NAMES FOR JOAN COLLINS' NEW PERFUME: 10. Fleet's In! 9. Who's Frying Eggs? 6. If Symptoms Persist, Contact Your Doctor 2. REALLY Old Spice 1. Next! -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." -- Dan Quayle ---- "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Phillip Glass." -- Keith Bostic ---- "I've never taken drugs, so that's why I'm probably not a big Doors fan." -- Spike Lee ---- "We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." -- Dan Quayle ---- "The real question for 1988 is whether we're going to go forward to tomorrow or past to the -- to the back!" -- Dan Quayle ---- "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." -- Dan Quayle ---- "There's not going to be any more handler stories because I'm the handler ... I'm Doctor Spin." -- Dan Quayle ---- "We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed without them in RED STORM RISING." -- Dan Quayle ---- "I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman." -- Dan Quayle ---- "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change." -- Dan Quayle ---- "You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you will always be." -- Dan Quayle addresses American Samoans ---- "Ha ha, now I have her, Do-Right, and you shall never get her back... or any other part of her, either." -- Snidely Whiplash ---- Selections from TOP 10 THINGS OVERHEARD IN A G.E. RESEARCH LAB: 7. "Whoops!" 5. "Hey! I think this is the episode where they almost get off the island!" 3. "The new guy developed a new long-lasting inexpensive filament. Kill him." 2. "The squid is no longer responding to the mind control! Aaiieeeeee!" -- Late Night with David Letterman ---- "Los Angeles Police have decried NEW JACK CITY as a `violent, exploitive film'; and you know, folks, I'm thinkin' if anybody knows what a `violent, exploitive film' looks like this week, it's the L.A.P.D." -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update ---- "The great innovators have always been fearless.... I have fallen off haystacks, out of trees, over cliffs. I have been nearly drowned, shot and hanged. I have been in countless car crashes without getting a scratch. I have been alone in an office with Louis B. Mayer." -- Michael Powell ---- "Art is merciless observation, sympathy, imagination, and a sense of detachment that is almost cruelty." -- Michael Powell ---- "Do I digress? Well, I digress." -- Michael Powell ---- "Money runs downhill, and I've got a fishnet for a bucket." -- Brian McElhinney ---- "Theirs goes `doo doo doo do do do, doo doo doo do do do' and mine goes `doo doo doo do do do, *do* doo doo doo do do do' -- completely different." -- Vanilla Ice, re: "Under Pressure" vs. "Ice Ice Baby" ---- "No, no: the purpose of language is to cast spells on other people...." -- Lisa Chabot ---- Selections from CuD's COMPUTER UNDERGROUND FILM HALL OF SHAME: THE RUNNING MAN. Hahahahahahahahah. Arnold in Spandex yellow leotards. Mick Fleetwood and Dweezil Zappa running the Revolutionary Left. One hundred years from now, "Richard Bachman" will spin in his grave like a turbine whenever this is shown. The "Weiss" character plays video skittles for a minute to crack the Secret Network Code. Rick Moranis says it best in Spaceballs: "That's the combination an idiot would have on his luggage!" ---- Selections from CuD's COMPUTER UNDERGROUND FILM HALL OF SHAME: COLOSSUS: THE FORBIN PROJECT. Jim Thomas voted for this one, in appreciation of a malevolent defense computer with no off switch. It's the system manager's fairy tale: it never crashes, never needs new parts, never has transmission problems. How long it takes us to reach this cybernetic state of grace is left to the viewer's imagination. ---- Selections from CuD's COMPUTER UNDERGROUND FILM HALL OF SHAME: PRIME RISK. Komputer Kids with job and bank problems spoof their least favorite bank's ATM network, only to find someone doing it on a bigger scale, for money instead of curiosity and revenge. The understanding and empathetic Federal agent rescues them and thanks them for their vigilance. Uh huh. ---- Selections from CuD's COMPUTER UNDERGROUND FILM HALL OF SHAME: WAR GAMES. The first of the big "Swatch hacker" movies. It spawned a wave of original thinkers with "joshua" as their user id or password. Were NORAD computers ever this insecure? For about ten seconds back in the Dark Ages, maybe. ---- GRAFFITI DEPT.: We're Tired, We're Cranky, We Don't Like the Government ---- GRAFFITI DEPT.: Lobotomies for Republicans: It's the Law! ---- GRAFFITI DEPT.: Making the World Safe for Big Chevys ---- GRAFFITI DEPT.: If War is the Answer, Then It's a Stupid Fucking Question ---- GRAFFITI DEPT.: Kick Butt, Then What? ---- GRAFFITI DEPT.: At Least We Can Drive to the Funeral ---- GRAFFITI DEPT.: War Gives Me Gas ---- GRAFFITI DEPT.: Send Bush, Send Quayle, Send Neil Bush When He Gets Out of Jail ---- "I am not a spelling reformer. I am a laissez-faire liberal in matters of spelling. I do not care that our present system of spelling wastes time and paper. I firmly believe that time and paper are of less importance than the perfect expression of the writer's meaning. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a Pedantick Booby." -- Samuel Marchbanks ---- "I have today received a communication from the Swirling Killer Loons of Dath, assuring me that *they* want war no more than *we* do... We have a trade treaty with them." "Trade treaty?! We export 1400 luscious young virgins, bound in silken ropes and fattened for two years on raspberries and chamois milk -- and in return we import a walnut. A walnut!" -- Hordes of the Things ---- "Wow! *Nuthin'* shocks New York cabbies!" -- ALICE ---- "You, sir, seek greater emotion. The deepest and most compassionate people have no more capacity for emotion than you, but they do have something you don't have. A subscription to alt.callahans, the InterNet therapy group." "I haven't even read the first posting, and I'm already so overwhelmed with sincerity and mutual support that I could puke." -- Steve Connelly ---- "All good things to those who wait." [Dr. Hannibal Lector in the movie THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS] ---- "I got all the way to the district finals at Knife River, only to find out the Airplane Slam is illegal." [The disappointments of women's amateur wrestling. From TWIN PEAKS] ---- "From this year's Grammys winner's list: BEST POLKA RECORDING: ``When It's Polka Time At Your House,'' Jimmy Sturr and His Orchestra. If this doesn't *prove* the grammys are based solely on sales, then I don't know what does." -- Eli Messinger ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Paula Abdul "In short, if she were a stock she'd be IBM." -- Tony Shepps ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: AC/DC "The lead singer is screaming better than ever." -- Cliff Tuel ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: AC/DC "Nice disco band." -- Lars Magne Ingebrigtsen ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Acoustic Alchemy "Isn't this some sort of new-age stuff for discerning yuppies who've got bored with their Dire Straits albums?" -- Al Crawford ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe "Yeah, right. Sounds like the name of a law firm." -- Cliff Tuel ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Rick Astley "He has a nice... uhm... something. Crap music, of course." -- Lars Magne Ingebrigtsen ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Bananarama "Oh, god, them and the Go-go's, right?" -- Greg Tzeutschler ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Beatles "When Trump was at his peak, he could has spent every penny on Beatle memoribilia and still not have everything." -- Cliff Tuel ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Pat Benatar "The best thing I can say about her is that she's a Kate Bush fan." -- Susan Harwood Kaczmarczik ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Blondie "I miss Blondie. Deborah Harry's zombie voice is a precursor to Depeche Mode, if they only knew it." -- Susan Harwood Kaczmarczik ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Bon Jovi "We have these guys to thank for 'glam metal'. Damn them." -- Cliff Tuel ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: David Bowie "After you've made The Best Album of the Seventies, five times, there's not much more to do than to make The Worst Album of the Eighties, three times, is there?" -- Lars Magne Ingebrigtsen ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Julie Brown "She was doing stand-up comedy and figured she could make more money doing rock parody. She was right." -- John M. Relph ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Kate Bush "Net-ravings aside, a friend of mine recently said that he had heard that Kate is into drugs. My response -- if this be drugs, then let me at 'em." -- Tony Shepps ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Kate Bush "Now, I know I've heard that name somewhere before. Kate Bush... Um, yes, I know. She's God." -- Lars Magne Ingebrigtsen ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Kate Bush "Hehehehe. Now what can I say that'll really whip the Bushies into a killing frenzy? Experience seems to suggest that anything short of total worship will result in my being beaten to death with _This Womans Work_. How about if I just told the truth and said that I don't like her voice?" -- Al Crawford ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Butthole Surfers "No talent. None. I love 'em." -- Greg Tzeutschler ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: The Casual Gods "OK, not as thrilling as music this loud should be." -- Greg Tzeutschler ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Tracy Chapman "What a cheerful, fun-loving individual she is. Almost as laugh-a-minute as Tanita Tikaram." -- Al Crawford ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: The Clash "*London Calling* Just shut up and get it and play it loud." -- Greg Tzeutschler ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Phil Collins "Okay Phil, you've convinced us; you have the ability to turn out a sappy top ten hit pop single in your sleep. Why did you give up drumming?" -- Tony Shepps ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: The Cramps "talentless, offensive, ugly ... pretty cool." -- Greg Tzeutschler ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Culture Club "`War is stupid, and people are stupid.' Never have we seen such an intelligent summing up of the world today. Mesmerizing." -- Lars Magne Ingebrigtsen ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Tim Curry "Please can we forget that he ever sang and just enjoy his wonderful acting?" -- Susan Harwood Kaczmarczik ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Danielle Dax "Tiffany in the wrong neighborhood." -- Cliff Tuel ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Judas Priest "I listened to _Stained Class_ when *I* was 16, and I didn't kill myself." -- Tony Shepps ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Madonna "Oh look, it's the new Madonna video. What's she going to do in this one? Hmmm. Goats.... corpses....live yoghurt.... damn. Exactly the same as the last one." -- Al Crawford ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: John Cougar Mellencamp "Is white trash the American dream? JCM seems to think so." -- Michael Graham ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: George Michael "In 10-15 years, we'll all look at him and laugh, especially if he's still doing the same act with a butt that ain't quite as tight as it is now." -- Tony Shepps ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper "You can't live on a diet of nothing but Mojo, but any reasonable eating plan oughta include a few devil dogs once in a while." -- Tony Shepps ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Donny Osmond "I was shocked to find he's making a comeback, this time (by the looks of the video) as some sort of George Michael with extra teeth." -- Al Crawford ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Todd Rundgren "As good a Macintosh programmer as he is a musician." -- Cliff Tuel ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Ringo Starr "Just can't get no respect. I'd trade respect for his wife, though." -- Ken Warkentyne ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Tangerine Dream "With over 3400 albums, there's something for everyone!" -- Cliff Tuel ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Tone Loc "Provided us with the only commercial statement of the benefits of marijuana usage in the last three years." -- Tony Shepps ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Tone Loc "Crotch rap. People accuse Vanilla Ice of servicing the 'rap-impaired' by rapping so slooow; I suspect Tone the Real Estate agent was the start of this." -- Nick Nicholas ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Stevie Wonder "From his records I get the impression he's also become deaf in the last few years :-(." -- Eerke Boiten ---- SELECTIONS from ECLECTIC MUSIC SURVEY #5: Frank Zappa "He should be most proud that the PMRC wants to put their obscene lyrics sticker on his `Jazz From Hell' -- which is an instrumental album." -- Tony Shepps ---- "Martin was probably ripping them off. That's some family, isn't it? Incest, prostitution, fanaticism, software." -- Charles Willeford, MIAMI BLUES ---- "The less you know about home computers, the more you'll want the new IBM PS/1." -- Ad in The Edmonton Journal ---- "Get a life, punk!" [The ever-amiable Albert on TWIN PEAKS] ---- "I'm afraid I have to leave you now; I'm having an old friend for dinner." [Is revenge a dish best served cold? Ask Dr. Hannibal Lector. THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. (The Movie.)] ---- "Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball." -- Saturday Night Live ---- "Its got polarity? If it has polarity, that means we can kill it." [A really dumb CBS Tv-Movie named NOT OF THIS WORLD] ----