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Ethel the Blog
Observations (and occasional brash opining) on science, computers, books, music and other shiny things that catch my mind's eye. There's a home page with ostensibly more permanent stuff. This is intended to be more functional than decorative. I neither intend nor want to surf on the bleeding edge, keep it real, redefine journalism or attract nyphomaniacal groupies (well, maybe a wee bit of the latter). The occasional cheap laugh, raised eyebrow or provocation of interest are all I'll plead guilty to in the matter of intent. Bene qui latuit bene vixit.

The usual copyright stuff applies, but I probably won't get enraged until I find a clone site with absolutely no attribution (which, by the way, has happened twice with some of my other stuff). Finally, if anyone's offended by anything on this site then please do notify me immediately. I like to keep track of those times when I get something right.

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Tuesday, December 21, 1999

HIATUS
Since I'm going to be traveling to an all-too-cold place for the holidays, there won't be anything new here until at least next Wednesday, i.e. the 29th. Ah, leave it to Louis Black to express the perfect pre-millennial holiday sentiment: "I'll see you in January from my bunker where I'll be drinking my own urine to survive."
posted by Steven Baum 12/21/1999 10:40:32 PM |
link

Monday, December 20, 1999

SELF-FLAGELLATION
As we draw closer to next year's election day there's only one thing I'll predict with certainty: the
boneheads who want to amend the Constitution to prevent flag-burning will be coming out of the woodwork sooner rather than later. The Flag Desecration Amendment kooks are careful to never define what they mean by the word "flag." The last major political effort to punish this sort of dissent was the Flag Protection Act of 1989 that was passed by Congress but invalidated by the Supreme Court a year later. It stated that punishment should be meted out to anyone who "knowingly mutilates, defaces, physically defiles, burns, maintains on the floor or ground, or tramples upon any U.S. flag." It, of course, didn't define "flag." So who will take on this onerous definitional task for us?

How about the venerable American Legion? Their official Flag Code mostly describes technical details about how to properly display the flag in various situations, but also includes a section called "Respect for flag" that defines what constitutes disrespect for the stars and stripes. Among its strictures are:

  • (d) The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery. It should never be festooned, drawn back, nor up, in folds, but always allowed to fall free.
  • (i) The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkin or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard. Advertising signs should not be fastened to a staff or halyard from which the flag is flown.
  • (j) No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform. However, a flag patch may be affixed to the uniform of military personnel, firemen, policemen, and members of patriotic organizations. The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing. Therefore, the lapel flag pin being a replica, should be worn on the left lapel near the heart.
They define what uses of the flag symbol are considered respectful rather than merely use the loaded but nebulous words "flag" and "desecration" repeatedly. Note also that they don't use loaded words like "deface," "defile," or "trample," but simply state how the symbol should or shouldn't be "used," i.e. they don't attempt to bring in intent.

As much as I think any sort of Amendment intending to punish those disrespectful of the flag is a harebrained idea, I wouldn't mind seeing one passed with the above strictures used as the criteria for punishment. Then we could witness such entertaining sights as:

  • Republican dowagers like Barbara Bush being dragged away kicking and screaming for wearing flag-emblazoned scarves.
  • Small children being bludgeoned by the riot squad for tossing those little flags handed out to them during parades and other occasions to the ground.
  • The jailing of the CEOs of all companies who liberally festoon their advertisements and other literature with flag symbols.
  • Olympic athletes being busted right after they get their gold medals, although the Legion does offer a slippery out on this one via that "patriotic organizations" clause (without, of course, defining "patriotic," although I'll be happy to offer Mencken's definition as an initial suggestion).
  • The next GOP convention being carpet-bombed for every last person there breaking pretty much all the above rules.

posted by Steven Baum 12/20/1999 03:56:36 PM | link

DOPE CHARGE
On July 14, 1999 Morgan Grams
borrowed a rental car. When he didn't return it after three days the co-worker who'd loaned him the car called the police. When police finally tracked down the car that evening- with Grams still in it - they also found enough marijuana inside for a felony charge. At the time, Grams - who was on probation and not carrying a driver's license - got off without even a ticket, although one of the other two passengers wasn't quite that lucky. He was found to be in possession of 9 of the 10 bags of marijuana found in the car, handcuffed, arrested and charged. He pleaded guilty a couple of days later but, being 17, received a sentence of a month at a juvenile detenction center. So how was Grams, who's 21 years old, so fortunate as to avoid a felony charge while on probation?

It turns out that the co-worker had also called Grams' father U.S. Senator Rod Grams, a Republican from Minnesota, when the car hadn't been returned. Senator Grams had then himself called the Sheriff's Office to ostensibly check on the "welfare" of his son. Thus, after the deputies had ascertained that his "welfare" was hunky and dory, they put the lad - on probation for drinking and driving and with several prior misdeameanor charges - in the back seat of the chief deputy's unmarked squad car and returned him to Senator Daddy.

Chief Deputy Peter Beberg "handled" the Senator's call that day, and claimed that sonny didn't receive preferential treatment. When another deputy located the car containing Grams and the two juveniles Beberg immediately headed for the location and stopped the car himself. His report claimed that he'd checked the breath of all three after checking the car and finding 5 unopened beer cans, including one at Grams' feet. Beberg was about to let the juveniles go and return Grams to daddy when another deputy who'd just arrived saw one of the juveniles stash something in his pants. When the deputy checked to make sure he wasn't pulling a weapon, he found 9 bags of marijuana on him. A third deputy then searched the vehicle again and found a 10th bag under Grams' seat..

While Beberg claimed afterwards that everything had been done according to standard operating procedure, the director of the Minnesota Peace Officer Standards and Training Board - which licenses peace officers - said that normal procedure in such situations is to arrest everyone in the car, question them separately, and then book them with the appropriate charges.

Apparently the Senator finally ran out of phone calls to make, since on Dec. 11 a report was released stating that many errors had been made by deputies in the incident and that Morgan Grams would be arrested and charged with possession of marijuana in a motor vehicle, although it would be a misdeamenor rather than a felony charge. The Sheriff who wrote the report cited 15 procedural problems with the stop, and wrote that he wasn't sure "if there was anything done really correctly as part of the entire stop." The report also concluded that the senator had not sought or received special treatment for his son, and that there was no criminal misconduct by Chief Deputy Beberg or the other deputies at the scene.

The Country Attorney, who also "investigated" the incident, dismissed charges that there was a conspiracy to protect the senator's son by stating, "It was so obvious that there was so much miscommunication between the officers at the scene, that there's no way there could have been a conspiracy." Oh, those kwazy, kwazy keystone kops!!!! I guess the slapsticks just weren't firing on all cylinders that day, although Deputy Beberg will have plenty of time to fix them since he took an early retirement in December. He'd better hire somebody else to help him with tricky things like counting and smelling, though, since the man to whom the car hadn't been returned reported 20 empty and 4 full beer cans in the vehicle the next day.
posted by Steven Baum 12/20/1999 01:26:43 PM | link


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